Blurred Reality
by susanatc
Summary: Sometimes the lines between what is real and what is pretend can be a little blurry. Especially to those standing so close to those lines. And once those lines are blurred, how easy is it to redraw them?
1. Chapter 1

_**IMPORTANT STUFF: **__First and foremost, if you recognize it, I don't own it. Second, this is written from Beckett's POV. Third, there are a lot of flashbacks in this story. I have tried to set them apart so it doesn't get confusing. Basically, if it's in italics, it's a flashback. _

_This story is dedicated to Harleyzgirl – I promised you a birthday fic that involved Castle and Beckett. I hope this lives up to your expectations and I apologize for the delay, but it literally took on a life of its own. Also, to carolina17…happy birthday. This is the real story._

_I owe a huge thank you to IMW for the unending support. This story would not be what it is without her._

* * *

I opened the door to find Lanie standing there with a bottle of vodka in one hand and her face firmly encased in a smile.

"I am here and I brought alcohol as requested," she stated as I stepped back to allow her into the apartment. "So what happened?"

"Thanks for coming, Lanie." I closed and locked the door, taking a deep breath to calm myself as I did so. I had asked her here because I desperately needed to talk to someone about what was going on, but now that she was standing in my living room, I realized just how scared I was.

Lanie merely watched as I walked into the kitchen and retrieved shot glasses before once again joining her in the living room. It wasn't until we were both seated on the couch that she raised an eyebrow in question.

I acknowledged the silent question with a pointed glance at the vodka.

"I might need a little liquid courage first."

Lanie scoffed at that, even as she handed over the bottle.

"Oh, please, Beckett. Like you've ever needed alcohol for courage."

I poured us both a shot, leaving the lid off the bottle as I sat it on the coffee table. I had a feeling we were both going to need more once I started talking. I lifted my glass to hers before I tilted it to my lips, swallowing it in one gulp, feeling the burn as the alcohol made its way down my throat.

Lanie followed suit, knocking her own shot back and reaching for the bottle to pour us a second as I leaned back on the couch and closed my eyes.

"I think I'm in love with Castle," I blurted out.

Lanie was quiet for so long that I finally cracked one eye open and chanced a glance at her. She held out the now full shot glass and smiled at me.

"Is this why we're drinking tonight? You've finally come to the same conclusion the rest of us arrived at months ago?"

I took the glass from her and downed it as quickly as I had the first.

"No," I said as I reached for the bottle and filled my glass again. "We're drinking tonight because I'm an idiot who quite literally pushed the man I love into the arms of another woman."

"Relax, Kate. I'm certain things between Castle and Brenda aren't that serious."

"I'm not."

"Anyone who spends more than five minutes in a room with you two can pick up on whatever it is between you. Trust me on this one."

I shook my head and turned on the couch to face her.

"You don't know the whole story, Lanie."

Lanie lifted her glass to her lips and drained it before her eyes met mine.

"Then start talking, Kate."

I sighed as I sat my glass on the table

"I kissed him this afternoon."

"Castle?" Lanie asked for clarification.

I merely nodded.

"When? Where? Why?" Lanie prodded.

I ignored her questions.

"It wasn't the first time either."

Her eyebrows climbed into her hairline at my admission. I reached for the bottle of vodka and filled both of our glasses again. I took a sip of mine this time and then held the glass loosely between my fingers as I stared into the clear liquid.

"The first time was three months ago."

If possible, Lanie's eyebrows rose even higher.

"Hold the phone, girlfriend! You and Castle…three months…and I'm just now hearing about this? I think you'd better start at the beginning and tell me everything."

_

* * *

_

The lights were low and the music pounding inside the crowded club. Castle motioned to a passing waitress, indicating she should bring another round of drinks to the table, even though he was the only one actually drinking. I was sitting in the booth next to him as his date, and Ryan and Esposito were keeping post on either side of the table as his bodyguards.

"_It looks like Lewis's buyer just arrived," I said as I leaned in closer to his side and craned to get a better look through the throng of people._

"_Should we hit the dance floor again?" Castle asked, and I could see the struggle on his face to not turn and look for our suspects._

"_That would probably be a good idea," I replied._

_Castle slid out of the booth and offered his hand, which I accepted gracefully. _

"_On your toes, boys," I said as we stepped between Ryan and Esposito. "It's show time."_

_The two detectives, dressed completely in black for this particular assignment, barely even nodded in acknowledgment. They merely followed us to the dance floor, staying close enough to actually look like hired security, but staying far enough back that we could carry out our charade._

_We had been tracking Danny Lewis for two weeks on a tip that he was trafficking in drugs and stolen weapons, since one of his henchmen had ended up in a dumpster and nobody was willing to talk to us for fear of crossing Lewis. When we'd finally discovered that he liked to do business in a back room of "Club Hot", I'd asked Castle to use his connections to get his name on the V.I.P. list, and ensure us entrance at the popular night club. It had been my idea to accompany him as his date with Ryan and Esposito as his bodyguards. So far, the ruse seemed to be working._

_In fact, the only problem with the plan up to this point was that while waiting on his buyer to arrive, Lewis and his date had spent quite a bit of time on the dance floor. So in order to not stand out, Castle and I had made several trips to the dance floor as well. Several trips where our bodies were pressed against each other as we kept time with the beat; where Castle smiled at me while we teased and flirted; where his hands had unwittingly found the bare expanse of my lower back where my blouse criss-crossed from shoulders to hips, leaving more skin visible than covered. In essence, several trips of the most exquisite torture I'd ever submitted myself to._

_It had taken me all of about five minutes into our little act to realize that I'd made a drastic miscalculation in suggesting I play the part of Castle's date. It was hard enough to control my body's reaction to him when he didn't have his hands all over me, but in blurring the lines between play-acting and reality, I was losing the battle to keep my arousal in check._

_I kept reminding myself that we were undercover…merely acting out our parts, but there were moments when my body refused to listen as I reminded it that this was my best friend I was dancing with. If I had to judge based solely on Castle's physical reaction, I would have to say that he wasn't faring much better in that department. On more than one occasion when our bodies had been pressed together, I could feel the undeniable evidence of his arousal. While I know I should have been embarrassed by that fact, the truth of the matter was that it made me feel pretty damn sexy knowing that he was just as turned on as I was. _

_Castle glanced over my shoulder as his hands found my waist and pulled my body flush against his again. _

"_They're going back to the private rooms," he said, practically yelling to be heard over the noise of the club._

_I felt my blood thrum through my veins in time with the music as I lifted my arms to wrap them around Castle's neck. Feeling his hardness pressed against me again was testing my willpower. I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to just give in and do a little "dirty dancing" there on the dance floor._

"_Perhaps we need to take this party somewhere a little more private?" I suggested as my gaze met his._

_Without missing a beat, Castle turned me in his arms and wrapped himself around me from behind. "Lead the way," he said as he lowered his head to my neck, making it appear to anyone who might be watching that he was nuzzling me. I resisted the urge to tilt my head in invitation. However, I couldn't control the shiver at the feel of his breath on my neck. This was Castle after all._

_I continued to play my part, lacing my fingers through his where they now rested on my stomach as I led us off of the dance floor. _

_As soon as we stepped through the door leading to the private rooms, Castle released me, and I felt him take a step back as I stepped back into my role of lead detective on this case. _

"_Keep your eyes and ears open," I whispered to Ryan and Esposito as the four of us started down the hallway. _

_Castle took up his usual position behind the three of us as we spread out and listened at doorways to find the one Lewis had claimed for the evening. Esposito pressed his ear to one of the doors and then signaled to the rest of us that he'd found the room. We quickly made our way down the hall as Esposito keyed his mic to let the surveillance team outside of the club know that we were in business. _

_The plan was to wait until the sale had been conducted and then pick up both Lewis and his buyer before they could leave the club. From the information we'd been able to glean, Lewis was not a man for pleasantries so we expected the sale to be quick._

"_The team is moving into place," Esposito whispered._

_Just then, the voices inside the room grew louder, indicating the occupants were getting ready to exit the room. Not wanting to blow our cover, I moved quickly. I grabbed Castle by the lapels of his jacket with a whispered, "Play along!" to my team._

_I used his jacket to pull Castle against me and I didn't stop moving until my back was pressed against the wall. Ryan and Esposito immediately stepped into position, playing their parts as bodyguards keeping their client from unwanted prying eyes. Castle's eyes went wide at his unexpected position, but his hands found purchase against the wall on either side of me just as the door opened and our suspects exited the room. _

"_Come on, Ricky," I practically purred as our suspects glanced in our direction, allowing my hands to move from his jacket to the solid wall of his chest. "Give me what I want and I'll give you what you want."_

_To his credit, Castle played along perfectly. His voice sounded as casual as always when he replied, "And what is it that you think I want, baby?"_

_I smiled and leaned forward to whisper in his ear, "Send Ryan into the club to score some drugs and a room for us. And act like I've just whispered your hottest fantasy into your ear."_

_Castle was grinning when he pulled back to look at me, his eyes locking with mine even as he addressed his "bodyguard". _

"_Kevin, see what kind of party favors you can round up for us in the club, and then find out about using one of these rooms for a few hours. It seems my kitten wants to play for a while."_

_I couldn't help the slight eye roll at him calling me kitten, but I covered it with a delighted squeal and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. I watched as Ryan stepped away from the group, noting that our suspects had stopped and turned back to watch the exchange. When Ryan nodded to Esposito, our other "bodyguard" shifted to the side to block us from their view._

_With my arms still around Castle's neck, I could see Lewis say something to his buyer and then turn back towards us. _

"_We need to convince him of this act," I whispered in Castle's ear as I allowed my lips to brush against it._

_I felt a shudder run through Castle when he realized exactly what I was asking him to do, but he merely pulled back slightly to look me in the eyes, and then lowered his mouth to mine. As soon as his lips brushed against mine, I completely forgot that we were just role-playing. His lips were soft on mine; his taste more intoxicating than anything I'd ever consumed in my life. In the space of a heartbeat, I was lost._

_I tightened my arms around his neck, holding on for dear life as his mouth moved over mine. One of his hands found its way to the back of my head, while the other moved to my waist. Unable to resist the urge, I opened my mouth beneath his, my tongue snaking out in invitation as I slid my hands down to his waist. I bit back a moan when his tongue brushed against mine, forgetting not only that we had an audience, but also that this was my best friend I was kissing._

_I lifted my right leg and wrapped it around his calf, finally giving in to my desire to feel him pressed so intimately against me. I felt more than heard his groan at the contact and then he was pressing against me, his hips rocking against mine as his hand found my thigh and slowly trailed up under my skirt. My hands slid around his waist, finding purchase on his ass and pulling him more firmly against me._

_It wasn't until I felt his fingers hit the leather of my leg holster that my mind cleared enough to remind me that we were working. I felt Castle's touch on my leg gentle and slowly shift direction, returning to my knee and then easing my foot back to the floor. _

_Not wanting to lose contact with his body, I kept myself pressed against him even as I moved my hands back up his body until they were around his neck. Our lips parted slightly and our gazes locked. Seeing the desire reflected back at me from his blue depths nearly made me lose focus again. However, I forced my attention to the conversation taking place around us even as I leaned forward and brushed my lips over his again. He returned the caress and I took the opportunity to lightly tap him on the back of his neck to indicate that he should release me._

"_I told you, man, this is a private party," Esposito stated, his voice low and threatening._

"_I might have something your boss would be interested in," Lewis replied._

_Castle pulled his lips from mine then, taking a quick breath to calm himself before looking over his shoulder. _

"_Javier, what the hell is the problem?"_

"_Sorry, sir," Esposito replied with only a brief glance in our direction. "This gentleman was just leaving."_

"_Actually," Lewis interrupted. "I couldn't help but hear you send your guy looking for some party favors and I thought I might be able to help you out."_

_Castle turned his attention back to me, his eyes locking with mine as he continued the conversation. _

"_And what kind of party favors do you have?"_

"_Perhaps we could step into my office and chat?" Lewis suggested as he glanced nervously around the hallway._

_Castle lifted his eyebrows in question and I gave him a nearly imperceptible nod of my head. This was exactly the break we needed. _

* * *

Lanie fanned herself as I finished my story.

"Damn, girl. I always knew you two would be smoking hot together!"

I shook my head at her enthusiasm.

"I totally lost control, Lanie."

"It's good for you to lose control once in a while, Kate," she assured me.

"Not like that," I replied. After another sip of my drink, I continued. "Things were…strained…between us for the next few days."

"How long before you jumped him again?" Lanie asked with a smile firmly in place.

"Looking back, I wish that's what I'd done, Lanie."

"Are you really going to sit there and tell me that you and writer boy got it on hot and heavy while _undercover_ no less and then you didn't do anything about it? I don't buy it for a minute."

I let out another sigh. Looking back over the last three months, it wasn't hard to pinpoint the exact moment when things between Castle and I had changed. It wasn't when I'd lost control and given in to the attraction between us. In fact, if anything, giving in to that attraction had just seemed to up the ante on what was going on between the two of us. No, giving in wasn't what had caused the problem. It was when I made the unilateral decision that the two of us wouldn't work and never even gave Castle the opportunity to convince me that we could.

* * *

"_We need to talk, Kate." His voice was a whisper against the back of my neck as I waited for my espresso to finish brewing. He was standing so close that I could feel the heat radiating from his body._

"_There's nothing to talk about, Castle," I replied, ignoring the goose bumps that arose on my skin at the feel of his breath on my neck._

"_There's plenty to talk about," he replied. "You can't keep pretending that nothing happened. I was there, too. I felt the way your body responded to mine. You know as well as I do that there's something there."_

_I shook my head._

"_Let it go, Castle." _

"_You can't just ignore this forever," he said. "You can't ignore us."_

_I knew he was right, but I wasn't ready to face my feelings for him. The last three days had been nerve-wracking. Ever since our "incident" at the club, I was questioning Castle's motive in everything. He was still the same Castle, but my perception of him had suddenly shifted. He still took every opportunity to invade my personal space. He would brush his fingers against mine when he handed me a cup of coffee. He would sit close enough that some part of our bodies were touching while we studied the murder board. He would send me texts in the evening; sometimes it would be about something that had happened with Alexis; sometimes it would just be a stupid joke; but always it was a reminder that he was thinking about me, even if he never came out and said it. Only now, I was acutely aware of the fact that underlying our friendship was an attraction that could quite literally knock me off my feet._

_It was too much for me. The idea of being involved with Rick Castle terrified me. I needed more time. I turned around to face him, not surprised at the close proximity of our bodies. _

"_I'm not ignoring anything," I stated with more force than I intended. "What happened the other night was a mistake, Castle. We got a little carried away with our undercover assignment. That's the extent of it. I don't know what kind of story you've weaved in your mind about what happened, but you need to back off. There is no 'us'!"_

_He took a step back from me as if I'd physically struck him and there was no mistaking the hurt that flashed across his face. In that instant, I hated myself. His blue eyes sparkled with something I couldn't identify and then he took another step away from me. He nodded once in acknowledgement._

"_My mistake, Detective. I keep forgetting that I'm not really a cop and therefore not as thoroughly ingrained in the intricacies of undercover work as you are. I won't mention it again. " With that, he turned and walked from the break room, leaving me alone to ponder what I'd done. _

_I closed my eyes and turned back to the espresso machine. _

"_I'm so sorry, Castle. But I just can't go there with you," I whispered, hating myself for not being able to tell him why. "If things didn't work out, I'm not sure I would survive the fallout."_

* * *

"What happened after that?" Lanie asked, pulling me back from the memory.

I shook my head to clear it, starting to feel a slight buzz from the alcohol in my system and wondering why I hadn't had Lanie make us margaritas instead of doing shots.

"Absolutely nothing," I replied. "Castle went back to…well, being Castle…and I tried to pretend that everything was the way it should be."

"And then Brenda?" she prodded.

"And then Brenda," I agreed. "It was a couple of weeks after the Lewis case when they met. Things between Castle and I had fallen back into our usual routine…the banter, the teasing, the occasional flirting, and basically just being best friends. He still invited me over for dinner with his family; and I still called him in the middle of the night when something about a case was keeping me awake."

"We'll come back to Brenda in a minute," Lanie said. "First, tell me about that routine, because I've seen the two of you together at crime scenes and in the morgue and quite honestly, I always feel like I need a cold shower after watching the two of you together. What's normal for you and Castle?"

I rolled my eyes and got to my feet, grabbing the vodka and carrying it to the kitchen. Lanie followed, making her way to the freezer where she pulled out the frozen drink mix while I got down the blender.

"Normal?" I finally asked once we had things set up and Lanie was mixing drinks.

"Normal for you and Castle," Lanie repeated

I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn't sure that my relationship with Castle could really be classified as normal. Our partnership had to be the most unorthodox association in the history of mankind, but it somehow worked.

"We just work, Lanie."

"No, you don't _just_ work," she countered, deliberately misunderstanding me. "I'm familiar with that aspect of your relationship. Tell me about the rest of it: those late night phone calls and texts; the family dinners; the occasional flirting in spite of the fact that the man has a steady girlfriend. I haven't forgotten that you started this conversation by telling me that you kissed him this afternoon. I want to hear about that, but I want to hear it in the context of what's been going on since you opened the lid on Pandora's Box. So spill."

I hopped up on the counter and watched as Lanie added the vodka to the mix. It reminded me of being at Castle's the week after our kiss so that's where I started.

_

* * *

_

I stepped up to Castle's door and took a deep breath to calm myself. It had been a week since our undercover assignment had gone awry and true to his word, Castle hadn't mentioned it again. In fact, he'd gone out of his way to act as if everything between us was normal. When he'd called me earlier in the afternoon to invite me over for pizza night, my initial reaction had been to tell him no. However, I'd quickly tamped down on that and decided to follow his lead. It wasn't the first time he'd invited me for pizza night. Turning him down based solely on the fact that we had shared a kiss would be in direct contradiction to allowing things to get back to normal for us, so I'd accepted.

_I finally lifted my hand and rang the doorbell. The door opened only seconds later to reveal Alexis._

"_Hello, Kate!" Her enthusiasm was instantly contagious and I found myself smiling as I stepped into the apartment._

"_Hi, Alexis," I returned._

"_Dad's in the kitchen," she told me as she closed the door behind me. "I'm going to go get the movie ready."_

_I watched as she disappeared down the hallway and then made my way into the kitchen. Castle was grating cheese into a bowl, two large pizza crusts sitting on the counter in front of him. He greeted me with a smile._

"_Bex, glad you could make it."_

"_You know how I love pizza," I replied as I made my way over to his side. "Can I help?"_

_He shook his head as he continued to grate the cheese. "I'm almost ready to begin assembling them. You just relax. There's wine in the refrigerator if you want some."_

_I reached past him and snagged a bite of cheese, laughing when he smacked my hand._

"_Hands off!" he said. "I've already had to run Alexis out of the room."_

"_If you don't want us to eat it while you grate it, you should just buy the shredded kind at the grocery store," I told him, returning to a discussion that we had every time I joined them for pizza night. It had surprised me the first time I'd seen him hand grating the cheese and when I'd questioned him about it, he had assured me that it made the pizza better. Having tasted the finished product, I wasn't going to argue that point. However, it didn't mean I wasn't going to tease him about being a cheese snob._

"_And ruin pizza night?" he asked, a look of indignation on his face._

_I reached past him for another bite of cheese and lifted it to my mouth with a smile. _

"_Guess you're just going to have to deal then."_

_Before I finished my sentence, he'd set the cheese down and turned to face me. In a move I didn't see coming, his hands found their way to my waist and he effortlessly lifted me off my feet and planted me on the counter behind him…well out of the reach of the cheese._

_He reached behind me and handed me an empty wine glass and then opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of wine. _

"_If you promise to behave, I'll let you stay in the kitchen," he said as he held the bottle out to me._

_I took it with a sigh, watching as Alexis snuck back into the room behind Castle's back. Trying to keep from laughing, I made quite the production of opening the bottle and pouring the wine into my glass before handing the bottle back to Castle. It wasn't until he'd returned the bottle back to the refrigerator and turned back to his task that he noticed the block of cheese he'd been grating was missing. _

_He turned back to look at me again and I could no longer control my laughter. His eyes narrowed as he took a step closer to me and I held up my hands in defense. _

"_I've been sitting right here the entire time," I stated. _

_He turned in a complete circle, his eyes taking in every surface in the kitchen before landing back on me. He then shook his head._

"_Alexis?"_

_I lifted an eyebrow, but refused to give him the confirmation he wanted. I already knew that if she made it back to the kitchen before he could confiscate the cheese, she would share it with me. It was a game we played every pizza night._

_Castle's eyes sparkled as they met mine and in that moment I realized that this was what had been missing between us for the last week…this sense of being comfortable with each other…this friendship. I was glad to realize that we hadn't lost it._

* * *

"He calls you Bex?" Lanie asked as she turned and looked at me.

I shrugged even as I avoided her gaze. Lanie had gotten the full brunt of my agitation the one time Will had tried to pin a moniker on me so she knew how opposed I was to nicknames.

"Sometimes," I admitted.

"Girl, I'm not even going to touch that one," Lanie replied with a shake of her head. "Keep going."

I sighed as I jumped down from the counter and retrieved glasses for our drinks. Somehow, giving voice to the thoughts that had been running rampant in my mind for the last several weeks suddenly didn't seem like the brightest idea. It was too late to back out now though. I handed the glasses to Lanie as I continued the story.

_

* * *

_

The answer was there somewhere. I just had to keep looking until I found it.

_I turned away from the murder board and reached for my coffee. Finding the cup empty, I decided it was as good a time as any for a refill._

_The precinct was quiet this late at night, but then again, it usually was. Castle had left early to meet Alexis and Martha for dinner and I had sent Ryan and Esposito home over an hour ago. Sometimes, I did my best thinking at this time of the night. Tonight did not appear to be one of those times. For some reason, I was having trouble focusing on the evidence in front of me._

_My phone alerted me to a text message as I made my way back to my desk…full cup of coffee in hand. I smiled when I saw it was from Castle._

**Brought cheesecake home for dessert. Tempted?**

_I never should have mentioned how much I loved cheesecake. I quickly composed a reply._

**Working.**

_I returned my phone to my pocket as I settled in front of the murder board again. It was only moments later when it buzzed again._

**Bex…you work too much. Be there in 20…with cheesecake.**

_I smiled in spite of myself. As much as I wanted to tell him not to bother, I knew it would be a waste of time. _

**Don't forget the fork this time.**

_His response was almost instantaneous and consisted only of a smiley face. Maybe cheesecake and Castle's perspective on this case would finally shed some light on what I was missing._

_I picked up the case file and looked over my notes again; starting with my initial observations of the crime scene. I had just turned to the last page when I heard the ding of the elevator. I glanced at my watch and realized that it had been twenty-five minutes since Castle's last text. I looked up as he approached my desk and offered him a smile._

"_You're late, Castle."_

_He sat a large paper sack and a drink carrier that held two large cups of coffee on the corner of my desk, being careful not to disturb the files I had opened._

"_I stopped for coffee," he admitted as he handed one of the cups to me._

_I sipped the coffee, knowing it would be my favorite flavor before it even hit my tongue._

"_It's decaf," he warned. "I figured that you're eventually going to want to sleep tonight."_

"_Thanks, Castle."_

_He pulled a large Styrofoam container from the sack and opened it to reveal a chocolate chip cheesecake. Reaching back into the sack, he made a production out of pulling paper plates, napkins and plastic forks from it. I couldn't help but smile as he handed me a fork._

"_It's good to see that you're starting to pay attention to the details, Castle."_

_He cut two rather large pieces of the cheesecake and handed one of the plates to me before he picked up the other and settled himself into his chair beside my desk. "So what's bothering you tonight, Detective Beckett?"_

_I lifted a bite of the cheesecake to my mouth and closed my eyes to savor the flavor. It didn't disappoint. Castle had yet to bring me a flavor that I didn't enjoy. Granted, there were some I liked better than others, but not a single one that I hadn't thoroughly taken pleasure in. I waited until I'd finished another bite before I picked up the case file and turned my attention back to the murder board._

"_I think it's the timeline," I said._

_I watched as he absently lifted a bite of the cheesecake to his mouth; his attention on the board in front of us. His eyes scanned the timeline briefly and then moved back to the left of the board and slowly worked his way across._

"_How positive was Lanie on the time of death?" he asked, his eyes never leaving the board._

"_Within that two hour timeframe," I replied._

_His eyes narrowed at something on the board and I bit back the urge to ask what he was thinking. I knew how fragile those threads could be at times. Instead, I reached for my cheesecake and began to eat again as I allowed my mind to drift over the details of the case. _

_It was several long moments later when he broke the silence that had stretched comfortably between us._

"_Perhaps we're looking for someone who has paid too much attention to the details," he suggested with a grin in my direction._

_I lifted an eyebrow in his direction as I allowed his words to sink in, knowing that he would wait to see if I came to the same conclusion before he actually gave me his opinion. _

"_Too much attention to detail?" I pondered as I once again focused on the board in front of me. As my eyes raked over the pictures and timeline spread out before me, I suddenly realized what it was that had been bothering me. "The victim's brother."_

_A quick glance in his direction confirmed that Castle was thinking the same thing. He was practically bouncing in his chair trying to control his enthusiasm._

"_Where were you last night, Beckett?" he asked. "Say between 9 and 11 p.m."_

_I looked back at the board and realized that our victim's brother had given a very detailed account of his whereabouts for our window of death. Castle had a very valid point. There were too many details in that initial interview._

_I felt a sense of calm wash over me as I pondered the possibility, my nagging suspicions suddenly at rest. I allowed a smile to cross my face as I leaned back in my chair and reached for my coffee._

"_Good thing you brought decaf," I offered. "We're going to need to get an early start in the morning."_

* * *

We had made it back to the couch with our martinis and I glanced over to find Lanie staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"This is normal for you and Castle?" she asked.

"It's what we do," I replied with a shrug. "We're partners."

Her eyebrows rose at that.

"I've never known you to have a partner, Kate."

"I never wanted one," I replied.

"Until Castle," she stated.

"I sure as hell didn't want Castle for a partner," I reminded her. "I did my best to get out of this arrangement."

"And now?"

I dropped my eyes from hers. I'd never told her about Castle trying to quit after the incident with Dick Coonan and how I'd convinced him to stay. Or about how I'd been furious when I'd found out he was planning to forego any more Nikki Heat novels for a certain British spy. Even then, I'd been terrified of him no longer being a part of my life.

"He's my partner, Lanie."

I expected her to push, but instead she got to her feet and made her way over to my hall table. Picking up the take-out menus, she glanced over at me.

"Pizza or Chinese?"

"You choose," I replied as I leaned my head back against the couch. I listened half-heartedly as Lanie called in an order from my favorite pizza place, allowing my thoughts to drift to earlier that afternoon when I'd once again lost control and found myself wrapped around Castle. He had tasted exactly as I remembered; his chest solid beneath my hands; and his body fitting perfectly against mine. His eyes had sparkled with laughter as he'd teased me and I'd been relentless in retaliation until I'd found myself practically drowning in those blue depths. Suddenly, the air had practically crackled with tension and I'd been unable to look away, my entire being longing to feel his lips on mine again.

"Pizza will be here in an hour," Lanie said as she moved back to the couch.

Her voice caused me to jump and my body flushed with heat at the memory of Castle's lips on mine.

Her eyes raked over me, but instead of asking the obvious question, she settled back on the couch and reached for her drink.

"Tell me about Brenda."

"We got called out to PS215 when one of the basketball players was found murdered in the locker room. It was during that investigation that Castle met Brenda."

_

* * *

_

Castle followed me into the high school guidance office for a meeting with Mark McGowan's counselor. I stopped at the reception desk and showed my badge to the young woman sitting there.

"_Detective Kate Beckett to see Brenda Owens."_

"_She's expecting you. Down the hall, first door on the left."_

"_Thank you," I replied._

"_This brings back scary memories," Castle said as he followed me down the hall._

"_Got called to the office a time or two did you?" I teased._

"_I think I spent more time in the office than I did in the classroom," he replied. "How about you, Beckett?"_

"_Wouldn't you like to know, Castle?" I replied with a raised eyebrow in his direction as we reached the office door. _

_I turned my attention to the woman making her way from behind the desk. Her dark hair was cut to shoulder length and framed a heart shaped face. A welcoming smile graced her features, but I could sense a sadness lingering in the redness surrounding her eyes. She carried herself with the grace of a model, and if I hadn't known that she was a high school guidance counselor, I would have easily made the incorrect assumption of her profession. Her voice immediately set me at ease and I had no trouble picturing her corralling teenagers with nothing more than a stern word._

"_Detective Beckett?"_

_I held out my hand with a warm smile._

"_Ms. Owens?"_

"_Please, it's Brenda," she said as she took my offered hand. _

_I nodded over my shoulder at Castle._

"_This is Rick Castle."_

"_The mystery writer?" she asked as her eyes darted to Castle's._

"_One and the same," Castle replied as he flashed a smile at her. "Are you a fan?"_

_Brenda's face reddened slightly as she stepped back to allow us into the office. _

"_Actually, I'm not a fan of the genre, Mr. Castle," she replied. "However, several of my students are big fans and I've read more than one book report based on your books."_

_I glanced over at Castle to gauge his reaction and was surprised to see him smiling. _

"_See, Detective Beckett, there __**is**__ some educational value in my books," he said as we took seats across from Brenda's desk._

_I ignored him, choosing instead to get focused back on our investigation._

"_Brenda, when was the last time you spoke with Mark?"_

_Brenda opened one of the files on her desk._

"_I met with Mark last week about making sure he had everything in order for the NCAA Clearinghouse," she said. "He had every intention of playing basketball in college and had spent his four years here working towards that goal…not only on the court, but in the classroom."_

"_Did he mention any problems with other students or anything going on at home?" I asked._

"_Not specifically," Brenda replied. "But I got the sense that he wasn't being completely up front with me. I asked how things were going at home and he said that his dad had just gotten a promotion at work and that his mom was only a couple of classes away from completing her nursing degree. He talked for a few minutes about his younger brother, Jake, who is a wrestler in the 8__th__ grade. Mark was incredibly proud of his brother's accomplishments."_

"_He didn't mention anything about problems with classmates?" I probed._

_Brenda shook her head._

"_Mark was a good kid, Detective Beckett. He got along well with the student body and the teachers enjoyed having him in their classes because he actually seemed interested in learning. I can't imagine anyone wanting to do this to him."_

"_Could you give me the names of Mark's closest friends?" I asked as I opened my notebook. I was interested to see if there were any discrepancies between who Brenda thought Mark's friends were, and who Mark's parents thought his friends were._

"_Zac Thompson, Zeke Dublin and Peter Moffitt were his three best friends," Brenda replied. "And in the last couple of months, he'd been talking to Jessica Hayes, but I don't think he was willing to get serious with her knowing that he was leaving for school in a couple of months."_

_The names read exactly as they had when I'd asked his parents the same question, so I nodded and closed my notebook. I pulled one of my cards out of my pocket and reached out to hand it to Brenda. "Thank you so much for your time, Brenda. If you think of anything that might be helpful, please don't hesitate to give me a call."_

_Castle got to his feet beside me, but instead of heading towards the door, he reached for a post-it note on Brenda's desk. I paused at the door to wait for him._

"_If you're interested in a guest speaker the next time you're doing a section on fiction writing, give me a call," he said as he scribbled what I assumed was his number on the piece of paper._

"_Thank you, Mr. Castle," Brenda said as she took the note from him._

"_Rick is fine," he replied._

"_Thank you, Rick," she quickly amended. "I assure you that I will take you up on the offer."_

"_Excellent," he replied._

_Seeing the smile on his face as he finally turned to follow me, I averted my eyes, not quite sure why I suddenly had what felt like a horrible case of indigestion._

* * *

"Girlfriend, you are so completely jealous!"

The ringing of my cell phone interrupted my automatic protest. I reached for it and then practically dropped it when I saw Castle's smiling face announcing the call was from him.

"Cute," Lanie commented as she looked at the picture i.d. Castle had loaded into my phone.

"It's Castle," I stated unnecessarily as panic filled my chest. I lifted my eyes to Lanie's. "What do I do?"

Lanie smiled and shook her head.

"Answer it."

"I can't," I protested as I continued to stare at the offending object in my hand. He was going to want to talk about this afternoon and I wasn't ready for that yet.

"Answer it, Kate," Lanie said again.

My thumb hovered over the "answer" button as I stared at my phone. This whole situation was my fault. I owed him an explanation. But then again, this was Castle. He'd understand if I needed more time. I moved my thumb to the "ignore" button and lifted my eyes to see Lanie watching me.

"He's your partner, Kate."

Her words pulled me up short. I needed to make a decision and I needed to do so quickly. I pressed the button before I could change my mind. After a deep breath to calm my nerves, I lifted the phone to my ear. "Beckett."

_

* * *

_

Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions? I'd love to hear what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

_**IMPORTANT STUFF REMINDERS: **__First and foremost, if you recognize it, I don't own it. Second, this is written from Beckett's POV. Third, there are a lot of flashbacks in this story. If it's in italics, it's a flashback. _

_Again, a huge thank you to IMW for taking my rough draft of this chapter and helping to sculpt it into something so much better. And to the rest of the crew over at the Robot place, thanks for the encouragement. Educate, I'm still willing to trade chapters._

* * *

"I was afraid you wouldn't answer," Castle said by way of greeting – a lightness in his voice that caught me by surprise.

"I seriously considered it," I admitted.

"I just wanted to give you a heads-up that there's a courier en route to your apartment," he replied.

"A courier?" I asked. "For what?"

The doorbell rang then and I started to get to my feet but Lanie waved me off, indicating that she would get the door.

"There was a package waiting for me when I got home this afternoon," Castle continued. "As soon as I saw what was inside, I called for a service to deliver it to you. I wanted to bring it myself…I would have brought it myself…I just…I didn't think it was a good idea…you know…after this afternoon."

Before I could comment on the hesitancy evident in his voice, Lanie returned with a package in her hand. I shifted my phone to take it from her and sat it on my lap.

"It looks like your package just arrived," I said as I opened the box. I peered inside and my breath caught in my throat when I saw a bound copy of "Naked Heat" staring up at me. The book wasn't scheduled to be released for another month, so I knew this was one of Castle's advanced copies that I was looking at. I lifted the book from the box and opened the cover, my eyes immediately drawn to the hand scrawled note on the inside.

"_To my Bex,_

_I make no promises on the fork, but I will always bring the cheesecake. _

_Yours,_

_Rick"_

I flipped to the dedication page and read the words he'd refused to share with me before the book went to press.

"_For KB, here's to pulling pigtails."_

I bit my lip in an effort to get my emotions under control. It was nearly a full minute before I could speak.

"Thank you, Rick," I finally got out, the enormity of his gift calling for the use of his given name.

"You're welcome, Kate," he replied, his voice soft on the other end of the line.

He rarely called me Kate. Bex, Beckett, even just Detective, but hardly ever Kate. I pulled my feet under me on the couch and leaned my head back as I closed my eyes.

"Castle, about this afternoon…"

"It was a mistake, Bex," he interrupted me. "I know we were just bleeding off emotions after a stressful case and let things get out of control; that it didn't mean anything. But still, it shouldn't have happened. _I_ shouldn't have let it happen."

His words felt like a slap across my face and I wondered if that's how I'd made him feel three months ago when I'd told him that kissing him had been a mistake. However, it was the guilt in his voice that brought a lump to my throat. In spite of his playboy image, Castle wasn't the type of guy to cheat. I may have initiated things earlier, but he was in no way an unwilling participant.

I had no idea how to respond. He was right, it shouldn't have happened. I decided to end the conversation before the silence between us became awkward.

"Thank you for the book, Castle."

"You're welcome, Bex," he replied.

"G'night."

"'Night."

I placed my phone and the book on the table before finally looking up to meet Lanie's expectant gaze.

"Well?" she asked.

I let out a deep sigh and then recapped the conversation for her.

"I know that kissing him was a mistake, Lanie. He's got a girlfriend. I know that. I feel horribly guilty for allowing myself to forget that."

"But?" Lanie prodded.

"But I can't deny the fact that I enjoyed it," I admitted as I met her gaze.

"And that's the part that has you spooked?" Lanie asked.

"I'm not spooked," I said as I met her gaze.

"Right…which is exactly why you called me over to help you get drunk," Lanie shot back at me. "Whatever happened between you two this afternoon hit you like a two-by-four across the head and your first instinct was to run."

"I'm not running!"

"But you wanted to," she continued.

I dropped my gaze to my hands.

"As wrong as it was, and in spite of the fact that I know I've put Castle in an incredibly awkward situation, there's a part of me that wants to play 'what if he wasn't in a relationship right now?'. And…yeah, I guess that's the part that has me wanting to run."

I'd already come to terms with the fact that I was in love with Castle. The problem staring me in the face right now was what I was going to do about it, especially since he was still involved with Brenda. I had never in my life gone after someone else's man and I wasn't going to start now.

"It's not like I can just waltz over to his apartment and tell him that I'm in love with him," I said.

"Why the hell not?" Lanie asked.

At my shocked expression, her voice softened.

"Look, Kate. Castle is not an idiot. He knows you. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that he knows you a lot better than you wish he did. He knows that while you might be able to rationalize the first kiss as getting caught up in the assignment, allowing it to happen a second time is completely inexcusable in your mind, especially knowing that he's in a relationship. At least it is without admitting to yourself that you have feelings for him. Maybe confronting this is exactly what you two need to do."

I didn't bother to temper my sarcasm.

"He's involved with Brenda," I told her. "It would be selfish of me to not take that fact into consideration. He deserves better than that. Heck, Brenda deserves better than that. It's not like she didn't give me the opportunity to stake a claim on him."

"Excuse me?"

I shook my head. Loving someone should not be this complicated.

* * *

"_Yo, Beckett," Esposito called from across the room. "You've got a visitor."_

_I glanced up from my paperwork to see Brenda Owens making her way towards me. Castle had mentioned that he was giving a guest lecture in her class today and my first thought when I saw her approach was that he'd done something incredibly stupid and I was going to have to apologize for him._

"_Ms. Owens," I said as I got to my feet and offered her my hand_

"_Please, Detective Beckett," she replied as she shook my hand. "It's Brenda."_

"_Kate," I offered in return. "How may I help you, Brenda?"_

_Brenda glanced around the room quickly._

"_Is there someplace we could talk for a minute?"_

"_Sure," I agreed. "We can use the conference room."_

_Once we were in the relative silence of the conference room, I motioned to a chair. "Please, Brenda, have a seat."_

"_Thank you," she replied as we settled in the high backed leather chairs. "I'm sorry for stopping by unannounced, but I wanted to ask you something and I didn't think a phone call would be right under the circumstances."_

"_Please tell me that Castle didn't wreak havoc in your classroom today," I said with a grin._

_She smiled in return._

"_Not at all. In fact, the kids loved having him there. It's not an everyday occurrence to get a published writer in the class, so the kids seized the opportunity to ask questions about not only the writing process, but also how to go about getting an agent and finding a publisher. Rick answered all of their questions and even volunteered additional information on topics he thought were related."_

_Picturing Castle in a classroom of teenagers brought a smile to my face. I was certain that he probably felt right at home._

"_So what can I do for you?" I asked._

_Brenda wrung her hands together in what appeared to be nervousness before she finally met my gaze._

"_Are you and Rick involved?"_

_It wasn't what I'd been expecting._

"_Excuse me? Did you say involved?" I asked for clarification._

"_I know he based Nikki Heat on you and that he's shadowing you as part of his research," Brenda said, her words rushed as if she was afraid she would lose her nerve. "I…well…the press…" She stopped and took a deep breath. "Are you two involved romantically?"_

_The memories of the kiss we shared at "Club Hot" immediately flashed in my mind; the way his body felt pressed against mine; the smell of his cologne; the firmness of his chest beneath my hands; and the way his lips moved against mine as if they belonged there. _

_I shook my head to clear the memories and focused my attention on the woman sitting across from me. _

"_Are you asking me for permission to date Castle?"_

_Her gaze met mine and she slowly nodded._

"_I've never been the woman who goes after someone else's man, Kate," she stated. "If there's something going on between you two, I have no problem walking away. If there isn't though, well…Rick seems like a great guy and I wouldn't mind getting to know him better."_

_All of a sudden, there was a battle raging inside of me. One part of me wanted to send Brenda Owens packing, telling her to stay far away from Castle. The other part…the part that had told Castle our kiss had been a mistake and he needed to get over it…squelched that thought and insisted that I was not interested in Castle in that way. I met her eyes as I tried to give voice to my thoughts._

"_Our relationship is…well, it's complicated, Brenda."_

"_So you are involved?" she asked, the disappointment evident on her face._

_I shook my head and forced myself to continue._

"_We're partners, of sorts…and best friends," I explained. "Yes, we spend time together outside of work, but no, we're not dating."_

_A smile slowly spread across Brenda's face and with it, a sense of dread bloomed in my stomach._

"_Thank you, Kate."_

_Forcing a smile to my face, I got to my feet. "You're welcome, Brenda."_

_We walked out of the conference room and I headed straight for the break room for a fresh cup of coffee. Vodka sounded better, but I was still at work, so I was going to have to settle for what was available._

* * *

"To be honest, I expected Castle to show up the next day looking like the cat that ate the canary," I admitted. "But he didn't. In fact, he didn't even mention Brenda. I guess that after a couple of weeks, I just assumed that he'd turned her down. Either that or that she had changed her mind about asking him out."

"You didn't ask him about it?" Lanie asked.

I shook my head.

"I asked how things had gone at the school, but that's the extent of it. I think I was afraid that if I asked specifically about Brenda, he would accuse me of being jealous."

"Which you were," Lanie pointed out.

"Yes," I agreed. "I just hadn't admitted it to myself yet. I was still busy trying to deny the fact that I had feelings for Castle that went beyond friendship. Admitting to being jealous would have forced me to confront those feelings."

"So when did you find out they were dating?"

"I'd made plans with Alexis to spend an afternoon at the spa," I told her. "It's something we started doing a few months ago. If I have the weekend off, we try to do something together…just the two of us. Sometimes we shop; sometimes we see a movie; and sometimes we just get lunch and spend the day hanging out together. We often end up back at the loft and spend time with Castle while he cooks us dinner, but our days are always just girl time. Alexis had actually suggested an afternoon at the spa, so the first weekend I had available, I booked an appointment for us."

Lanie offered a soft smile.

"You two have gotten pretty close, huh?"

I couldn't help my own smile. I couldn't be sure, but I thought I might actually enjoy the times that Alexis and I spent together more than she did.

"I know it probably sounds weird, but spending time with her is like having the little sister I always wanted."

* * *

_Martha opened the door to Castle's apartment with a smile in place._

"_Kate, darling! It's so good to see you again. Come on in."_

_I stepped into the apartment and returned her embrace._

"_Martha, how are you?"_

"_Wonderful, dear," she replied as she closed the door. "How are you?" _

"_I'm doing well," I replied as I stepped further into the apartment._

_Martha stepped past me, motioning me to join her._

"_Alexis, Kate is here," she called out._

"_I'll be right down," Alexis called back._

"_She got a phone call from Paige a few minutes ago," Martha explained with a dismissive wave. "Honestly, sometimes I wonder how the two of them remain friends. Paige seems to be nothing but drama lately."_

_A chuckle escaped me at that, having heard Castle say nearly that very thing only days before._

"_I think it's a stage that teenage girls are required to go through," I stated._

"_Somehow, I have trouble picturing you as a teenage drama queen, Kate," Castle said from behind me._

_Turning to face him, I was surprised to find Brenda standing at his side. I bit my cheek in an effort to keep the surge of emotions I felt at her presence from showing on my face. Instead, I forced a tight smile. _

"_Castle, hi. I didn't realize you were going to be home this afternoon," I said. Then I offered Brenda a nod. " Brenda."_

_Brenda looped her arm through Castle's possessively and I had to fight to keep from rolling my eyes._

"_Kate," Brenda replied with a cautious smile. "It's good to see you again. Rick and I were just headed out to the museum."_

_Castle's smile didn't quite reach his eyes…and was it my imagination or did he take a slight step to the side?_

"_Bex is taking Alexis to the spa today," Castle explained to Brenda._

"_Bex?" Brenda asked as she turned her attention to Castle._

_He grinned as he looked over at me, and there was no doubt that it reached his eyes this time. He was almost certainly recalling the night when he'd given me the nickname. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my own face at the memory. We'd just finished another case and in typical fashion had ended up at Remy's to celebrate with our favorite burgers, one too many orders of fries and two massive milkshakes. _

_Halfway through the first order of fries, he'd started calling me "Bex", insisting that "Detective" was way too formal and "Beckett" was what everyone else called me. By the time we'd finished our third order and I'd polished off over half of his mint chocolate shake- leaving my own vanilla one practically untouched on the table between us-I'd grown rather accustomed to the nickname and Castle had decided it was going to stick. He'd been using it on a regular basis since then, although to his credit, he'd kept it away from the precinct. _

_To my knowledge, neither Martha nor Alexis had ever questioned the origin of the nickname; they'd merely accepted it…much as I had…as something that was uniquely ours._

"_It's a long story," Castle finally offered by way of explanation when he turned his attention back to Brenda._

_I noted from her raised eyebrow and tight smile that she wasn't at all happy with his response._

"_What on earth is taking her so long?" Martha asked, effectively turning the focus back to Alexis and the reason for my being there._

"_I'll go check on her," Castle said as he disengaged his arm from Brenda's._

_I stopped him with a soft touch to his forearm._

"_It's not necessary. I'll go up and get her. You and Brenda go on and enjoy your day."_

_His eyes locked with mine for a long minute and I briefly wondered if he was going to protest. He finally smiled and gave a slight nod._

"_I shall leave her in your capable hands," he stated with a dramatic bow in my direction._

_Martha and I both laughed at that and I couldn't help but tease him a bit._

"_Now who's the drama queen, Rick?"_

"_Ouch, Bex. That one might have been a mortal wound," he replied as he lifted his hand to his chest in feigned injury._

_I merely shook my head. Castle could hold his own when it came to the theatrics._

"_It was nice to see you again, Brenda," I offered as I turned and made my way towards the steps, not bothering to wait for her response._

_When I reached Alexis's room, I knocked on the door._

"_Who is it?" she called from behind the door._

"_It's me," I replied._

_The door opened immediately and Alexis looked around to see if anyone else was in the hallway._

"_Have they left yet?"_

_I raised an eyebrow at that._

"_Your dad and Brenda?"_

_She nodded and stepped back to allow me into her room._

"_I'm sorry. I shouldn't say anything."_

_I reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, gently pulling her into my embrace._

"_Hey, you don't have to keep secrets from me," I reminded her as she wrapped her arms around my waist. "What's going on?"_

"_I don't like the way she looks at my dad," Alexis admitted. "I know it's stupid and childish, but they've only been dating for a few weeks and yet she looks at him like…"_

_When her voice trailed off, I leaned back so I could see her face._

"_Like what?" I prodded._

_Alexis shrugged and averted her gaze. There was a long pause before she finally continued._

"_Like the way my dad looks at you sometimes."_

_My breath caught in my throat at that. _

"_How do you think your dad looks at me?" I finally managed to ask._

_Her blue eyes…so much like her father's…met mine then._

"_You know," she replied with another shrug. "Like you're the only person in the room."_

_I took a deep breath and pulled her back into my embrace, wondering for a moment exactly how Castle looked at me when I wasn't paying attention. I mean, I'd caught a few of his looks, but nothing I found that unusual. _

"_How about we make a deal?" I finally suggested, knowing I was walking a fine line between coming off as blowing off Alexis's concerns and merely tabling them until a later date. "Let's forget about everything else going on in our lives and just focus on ourselves for the day."_

_Alexis smiled as she stepped away from me._

"_So no work for you?"_

"_I'm not even on call today," I assured her. "And no more worrying about Brenda for you."_

_She nodded and held out her hand._

"_Deal."_

_We shook on it and then I slung my arm around her shoulders and guided her towards the door._

"_Have you eaten lunch yet?"_

"_No," she replied as we made our way down the stairs arm-in arm. "How about you?"_

"_I was hoping for one of those seafood salads you like so much," I replied._

_Her eyes lit up at the prospect. _

"_With breadsticks?" she asked as we reached the kitchen._

"_Absolutely," I agreed, noticing that Castle and Brenda were seated at the island._

_Alexis dropped her arm from around me then and flashed her father a bright smile as she made her way to his side._

"_See you later, dad. Have a good afternoon."_

_Castle's eyes met mine over the top of Alexis's head as he hugged her. We had an agreement that if anything was going on with Alexis that was possibly going to cause her danger, I would confide in him. Otherwise, what happened between she and I would stay just between us girls._

_Our gazes locked together and I did my best to reassure him with a soft smile and an arched eyebrow that everything was okay. The relief was evident in his blue depths as well as in the way his entire body relaxed into the embrace he shared with Alexis._

_He mouthed a quick thank you, which I acknowledged with a wink and a subtle tilt of my head, ignoring the fact that Brenda was watching the entire scene with unbridled curiosity._

_When Alexis finally pulled away, she returned to my side and looped her arm in mine._

"_We'd better get going, Kate." Turning us towards the door, she added, "Goodbye, Brenda." Then the two of us were on our way._

* * *

The doorbell rang again, and I hurried to my feet before Lanie could protest.

"You brought the alcohol; the pizza is on me," I informed her as I grabbed a twenty out of my wallet and headed to the door.

"I'll grab plates and napkins," she replied as she got to her feet as well.

It took only a minute to exchange the cash for the pizza; the young man who delivered it smiling brightly when I told him to keep the change. I rolled my eyes as I closed the door. The kid didn't look old enough to shave yet, but he'd made no attempt to hide the fact that he was checking me out as I'd taken the pizza from him.

"Is the couch okay?" Lanie asked as she walked back in the room.

"It's fine," I agreed as I carried the pizza over and sat it on the coffee table.

After we'd both filled our plates and settled back into the comfort of the couch, Lanie nodded at me.

"So once the cat was out of the bag about Brenda, what happened with you and Castle?"

"Nothing unusual," I replied. "In fact, he hardly ever mentioned her."

"What about pizza nights and late night phone calls?" Lanie prompted.

The pizza was delicious as usual and I made a point of swallowing a bite before I answered.

"You are aware of the fact that when I'm working a case, I can be a little…focused, right?"

"Focused?" Lanie asked with a grin. "If by that, you mean that everything else in life takes a backseat to solving the murder, then yes, I'm aware of that particular trait."

I couldn't help but return her smile.

"Let's just say that for quite some time, Castle has been the one I've called in the middle of the night when I need a fresh perspective on something. It's a rare occasion when I've actually woken him, as he tends to do his best writing after everyone else has settled down for the night. I guess my one track mind forgot the fact that Castle was in a relationship and might have other…things…consuming his late nights."

* * *

_Case notes littered the coffee table while the crime scene photos were methodically placed on the floor at my feet so I could view the scene as the killer had left it. Something was off. I could feel it in my gut, but I had yet to discover the piece of the puzzle that would unlock the mystery._

_A quick glance at the clock showed that it was almost one a.m. My first attempt at sleep had been restless, which had driven me from the bed to look over the case notes again. An hour later, I was no closer to a solution. I sighed in frustration…I needed sleep._

_Forty-five minutes later, I once again dragged myself from the bed. This time, instead of going straight to the case file, I reached for my phone…knowing from the countless number of times I'd called him in the past that Castle wouldn't mind the interruption. Granted, he wasn't always able to help me figure out what was bothering me with the cases, but at least a conversation with him would usually force my mind to stop running in circles. _

_In fact, I'd gotten so used to hearing his voice on the other end of the phone that I occasionally called him even when it wasn't a case that was keeping me awake._

_The phone rang twice before a female voice answered._

"_Rick Castle's phone. Brenda speaking."_

_I pulled the phone away from my ear in horror. I could only think of one reason why Brenda would be answering Castle's phone after one in the morning._

"_Hello?"_

_Hearing her voice again, I quickly lifted the phone back to my ear._

"_Brenda, hi. It's Kate. Is Castle around?"_

_Her voice was downright chilly when she replied._

"_Hello, Kate. I'm sorry, but Rick is a bit indisposed at the moment. Is there a message?"_

_I shook my head even though I knew she couldn't see me. _

"_No, that's okay. It's not important," I replied._

"_Okay," came her brusque reply._

_I heard Castle's voice in the background, but couldn't make out his words. Brenda's tone was unmistakably defensive when she replied to him though._

"_She said it wasn't important, Rick. You can call her back later."_

"_I'll talk to her _**now**_," Castle replied, his words much clearer now._

_There was a shuffling sound on the other end of the phone and then Castle's voice greeted me._

"_Bex, hey. What's up? Another body?"_

"_I'm sorry, Castle. I had no idea…I shouldn't have called. I'll talk to you tomorrow…"_

_He interrupted me then._

"_Kate, what is it?"_

_I blew out a deep breath at the sound of my given name on his lips. _

"_This case is…it's just…I'm really sorry, Castle. I shouldn't have called."_

"_Where are you?"_

_Despite my embarrassment, I found myself answering his question._

"_I'm at home. I was just looking over the crime scene photos and something is…off. I'm not sure what it is…something just…it feels wrong."_

"_I'll be there in ten minutes," he said, no trace of hesitation in his voice._

_There was a mumbled sound in the background that I imagined was Brenda protesting his eagerness to help me. Under the circumstances, I couldn't say I blamed her._

"_No, Castle. Forget I even called. We can look at this in the morning."_

"_Ten minutes," he repeated._

_It was useless to argue with him. I called; he came. It's how we worked. Apparently, not even Brenda was going to change that. _

_I gave a resigned sigh._

"_Okay."_

_I closed my phone and let out a deep sigh. Castle was on his way to my apartment, straight from another woman's bed. I'm not sure that Castle himself could have written characters in a more awkward situation. Of course, it really shouldn't have mattered…after all, I didn't have feelings for Castle, or at least, that's what I'd been telling myself. However, if that were truly the case, why did I feel as though I'd made a huge mistake by encouraging their relationship?_

_That was when I stopped; I stopped the denials, I stopped fighting myself, I stopped ignoring the green-eyed monster I'd been battling since Brenda and I had our conversation in the conference room and in that moment, I _**knew**_._

"_Oh my god!" I said to my empty apartment. "I have feelings for Castle."_

* * *

_And you guys thought I was being mean with where I ended the first chapter. _

_Thoughts? Comments? Threats of bodily harm if I don't continue soon? I'll take them all._


	3. Chapter 3

_**IMPORTANT STUFF REMINDERS: **__First and foremost, if you recognize it, I don't own it. Second, this is written from Beckett's POV. Third, there are a lot of flashbacks in this story. If it's in italics, it's a flashback. _

* * *

"How long ago was this?" Lanie asked as she reached for another slice of pizza.

"Three weeks," I replied giving her a sheepish look.

She glared at me, but refrained from commenting on the fact that I'd finally admitted to myself that I had feelings for Castle three weeks earlier and hadn't bothered to confide in her. Instead, she offered me another slice of pizza before settling back on the couch.

"Do you really call Castle in the middle of the night when you can't sleep and it's not because of a case?"

"It was his idea," I replied with a shrug of my shoulders.

"But you actually picked up your phone and dialed his number?" she prodded. "For no other reason than the fact that you couldn't sleep?"

"Would admitting that I actually wanted to hear his voice make it sound any better?" I asked.

Lanie shook her head and rolled her eyes at me.

"Tell me about one of those phone calls," she stated. "And then you can finish telling me about dragging Castle from Brenda's bed."

"I did not _drag_ him from her bed," I protested.

"Close enough," she teased. "Now stop stalling and talk."

It wasn't something I could explain, but for some reason, sharing our middle of the night phone conversations made me feel more exposed than admitting that I had feelings for Castle. It wasn't that I wasn't willing to confide in Lanie, it just made me feel incredibly vulnerable.

* * *

_It was unseasonably warm for April in New York City and my apartment was stifling. Unwilling to turn on the air conditioner this early in the year, I was paying the price. My bedroom window was open, but the cool breeze was doing little to curb my restlessness. The dull red numbers on the alarm clock assured me that it was only a little after midnight, though it felt much later. It had been an early evening for me, having spent most of the day tackling a mountain of paperwork. I was just grateful I'd managed to head out before another body dropped._

_Castle had roped me into dinner at one of his favorite Chinese restaurants, but I'd still been home before seven. I'd managed a long soak in the tub as well as several chapters of my favorite Derek Storm novel before finally calling it a night and crawling into bed around ten. Now it was two hours later, and I was still tossing and turning and growing more frustrated by the minute._

_As I lay there staring at my ceiling, my thoughts wandered to Castle. Having received approval on his next Nikki Heat novel, he'd mentioned he was planning to spend the evening writing._

_Before I could lose my courage, I grasped my phone and dialed his number. If the call woke him, I would apologize, but not before reminding him that it was he who had suggested I call him the next time I was having trouble sleeping._

_He answered on the first ring, sounding surprised._

"_Bex?"_

_Hearing his voice filled me with panic. What on earth was I supposed to say to him? I took a deep breath and tried to sound casual._

"_Castle."_

"_Do we have a body?" he asked._

"_No," I replied._

_The concern in his voice was evident when he continued._

"_Are you okay?"_

_I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. Although it was a bit late to second guess myself now, I couldn't help but wonder if I should have thought it through a little more before actually calling him._

"_I can't sleep," I finally admitted._

_I could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke again._

"_And you decided to call me?"_

_Suddenly feeling defensive, I sat up in the bed._

"_Look, forget it. I'm sure you're busy…"_

"_Kate, it's okay," he replied. "I'm flattered. A little surprised, but definitely flattered."_

_I let out a deep breath and settled back against my pillows._

"_I'm hot," I whined. Dear god, I was whining on the phone in the middle of the night to none other than Rick Castle._

"_You know, I could've told you that the minute I laid eyes on you," he teased._

"_Cute, Castle," I deadpanned. _

_He laughed and I couldn't help but join him…the tension suddenly drained from the conversation. Leave it to Castle to make a sexual innuendo in the middle of the night to set me at ease._

"_So what am I interrupting?" I asked._

"_Nikki and Rook were just getting ready to enter a new crime scene," he replied. "A body was found in the indoor fountain at the Hilton."_

"_I put my money on the doorman," I said flippantly. _

_He laughed at that._

"_You assume that nobody else could have gotten the body into the fountain without being seen?"_

"_If it wasn't the doorman, he was at least in on it," I replied._

"_So what do you usually do when you can't sleep?" he asked, the sudden change of topic catching me off guard._

"_Sometimes I read," I replied softly. "Sometimes I just head to the precinct and work."_

"_There's nothing pressing at the station," he assured me. "So what's your favorite reading material when you can't sleep?"_

_I felt heat color my cheeks as I thought about the Derek Storm novels that resided on my bedside table. Correctly assuming my pause to be one of embarrassment, Castle laughed._

"_You're a closet trashy romance novel junkie, aren't you?" he teased._

"_It would probably be less embarrassing to admit to that," I replied._

_It wasn't a secret that I was a fan of his writing. Granted, I'd never come out and said it directly to him, but nevertheless, I was grateful when he didn't push the issue._

"_Are you in your bed?" he asked._

"_Is that question really relevant to this conversation?" I replied, fully expecting another innuendo-filled comment to follow._

"_Absolutely," he retaliated. "I'm going to tell you a story, and I want to make sure you're comfortable so you don't have to worry about making your way to bed when I'm finished." After a brief pause, he continued, the smirk more than evident in his voice. "However, asking what you're wearing right now is solely for my personal pleasure."_

_I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't help but smile. _

"_Yes, Castle," I finally replied. "I'm in my bed."_

"_Lights off?" _

"_Yes."_

"_Good," he replied. I heard a slight rustling and then his voice was back. "Once upon a time, there was a young prince named Dylan. Prince Dylan lived in the castle with his parents, but he hated the demands of the royal life. Dylan was an adventurous soul and he wanted nothing more than to explore the countryside…"_

_I closed my eyes and listened to his soothing voice as he weaved a tale of a young prince who befriended a peasant boy and the adventures the two of them experienced together. When he got to the point in the story where his parents insisted that he begin to take on more responsibility in the kingdom, I couldn't hold back a yawn._

"_Are you ready to sleep?" he asked softly._

_My eyelids were already closed, and the heaviness of my limbs convinced me that sleep wasn't far away._

"_I think so."_

"_We'll finish this another time," he said._

"_Promise?" I asked, my words slightly slurred from my fatigue._

"_Promise," he agreed. "Good night, Bex."_

"_Thanks, Rick," I offered. Then, before I could talk myself out of it, I decided to answer his earlier question. "Boy shorts and a tank top."_

_He chuckled softly._

"_Remind me to save all the important questions for when you're so tired you don't actually filter your answers," he replied._

_I couldn't help but smile. _

"_G'night, Castle."_

_I returned my phone to the charger and then scooted down in my bed. I hugged one of my pillows to my chest and finally drifted off to sleep, the sound of Castle's voice still echoing in my head._

* * *

"Was he dating Brenda at the time?" Lanie asked.

I shook my head.

"Not then," I replied. "That was a while ago…before our undercover assignment even."

"Girl, I oughta smack you," she replied.

My eyebrows rose at that.

"What? Why?"

"Writer Boy was flirting with you while telling you bedtime stories, you were flirting back, going so far as to tell him what you were sleeping in…and you were still insisting that you guys were just friends?" She paused for a minute. "I think I oughta smack both of you."

Looking back on it, I could see her point. There was nothing I could do about the past though, so I merely shrugged.

"Fine," she eventually relented. "Tell me about when Castle got to your apartment that night."

* * *

_The terror I expected to feel at my recognition of the feelings I had for Castle never came. Instead, a sudden calm settled over me. I allowed my thoughts to drift over the last few months of our relationship and realized that I'd been lying to myself, and him, for quite a while. The kiss we'd shared at Club Hot had nothing to do with me getting carried away with an assignment and everything to do with losing myself in him._

_The ringing of my doorbell jarred me from my memories. A quick glance through the peephole confirmed it was Castle on the other side of the door and I opened it with a shy smile._

"_Is it raining?" I asked as I noticed that his hair was wet._

_His eyes dropped from mine, looking past me into the apartment._

"_I had just gotten out of the shower when you called," he explained._

_I stepped back to allow him to enter and then closed the door securely behind him, trying not to think about why he would be in the shower at Brenda's._

"_This really could have waited until morning," I told him as he followed me to the couch. "I'm sure Brenda didn't appreciate you running out on her."_

"_I didn't run out on her," he said as his eyes met mine again. "I explained that we were working a case."_

"_Regardless, it wasn't my intention to cause friction in your relationship," I said. "If I had known you were with her tonight, I never would have called."_

_Castle shrugged slightly as he lowered his eyes to the case file on the coffee table._

"_It doesn't take much to cause friction with Brenda," he admitted, his eyes looking at everything except me. "At least not where you're concerned."_

_The last part was said so softly that I had to strain to hear it, but my heart thudded in my chest at his confession. As much as I wanted to push him for more information, I was quite certain that I wasn't ready to have the conversation that would likely follow. Admitting to myself that I had romantic feelings for my best friend was one thing…being ready to discuss those feelings with him was an entirely different matter._

_We stood there avoiding each other's gaze for a long moment before I finally cleared my throat and broke the silence._

"_Can I get you something to drink?" I offered._

_He looked up at me and smiled then._

"_I'm good, Bex. So tell me what's got your mind racing tonight."_

_I sighed and sat next to him on the couch, motioning to the crime scene photos as I did._

"_I can't put my finger on it, but something is off."_

_He reached over and rested his hand on my knee, giving a reassuring squeeze._

"_Why don't you close your eyes and relax for a few minutes," he suggested. "Let me look at what you've got here."_

_My eyes dropped to his hand and he immediately removed it. I longed for him to return it, but I dared not give voice to the desire. Instead, I merely nodded my assent and pulled my legs up on the couch, shifting sideways so I could rest my head on the arm of it while I watched him work. _

_It wasn't often that I had the opportunity to just sit and observe him…that being his modus operandi…so I relished the opportunity for the role reversal._

_I noted that his hair was longer than usual and recalled him mentioning an appointment to get it cut later in the week. As I lay there watching him, I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to run my fingers through it. I knew from our brief encounter at Club Hot that it was as soft as it looked. As my eyes drifted to his jaw and the shadow of stubble that marred his skin, I found myself imagining how it would feel to trace my tongue along it. _

_Shaking my head to force those thoughts from my mind, I finally closed my eyes. I might as well do as Castle suggested and rest for a few minutes while he looked over everything. Stretching my legs slightly, I felt them come to rest against Castle's thigh. I started to move, but his hand dropped to my ankle and patted it gently. Accepting that as his permission to leave my feet where they were, I finally relaxed, lulled by the gentle stroke of his fingers against my ankle bone._

_A gentle shaking of my shoulder followed by Castle saying my name brought me fully awake. I opened my eyes to find Castle sitting next to me on the couch, one hand resting on the back of the couch and the other on my shoulder as he leaned slightly over me. I had to blink twice to bring him fully into focus and then I offered him a lazy smile._

"_Sorry," I mumbled. "I must've dozed off."_

"_More like crashed out," he teased with a smile of his own._

"_What time is it?" I asked as I started to push myself upright._

_When Castle didn't budge, I found myself mere centimeters from his face._

"_It's almost four," he replied as he lifted his hand from the back of the couch and brushed the hair from my face. _

"_Did you find something?" I asked, unconsciously leaning into his touch._

"_Maybe," he replied. "But I kind of dozed off myself."_

_I smiled at that and then briefly wondered if this wasn't the perfect distance at which to take in the depth of his eyes. Unfortunately, he chose that moment to get to his feet. Before I could even blink, he had scooped me into his arms and was headed towards my bedroom._

"_Castle?"_

_He merely shook his head as he stepped into my bedroom and slowly lowered me to the bed._

"_Go back to sleep. I'll let myself out."_

"_What about the case?" I asked._

"_I'll show you what I found in the morning," he replied with an easy grin._

_As much as I wanted to protest, my body was already drifting back towards slumber. I nodded once and then slowly lowered my head back to the pillow._

"_Thanks, Rick," I mumbled sleepily._

_I felt the bed shift beneath his weight as he leaned across me to pull the covers over me. Moments later, it shifted again as he stood back up and tucked them around me. When I felt the brush of his lips against my forehead, I forced my eyes open to see his blue ones shining back at me._

"'_Night, Bex."_

_A smile spread slowly across my face and I was asleep before I heard the click of the lock behind him._

* * *

Lanie shook her head as she looked at me.

"The department has a psychiatrist on staff, correct?" she asked.

I raised my eyebrows at that, wondering where she was going with that line of questioning. I hesitated for only a moment before I responded.

"Yes."

"Good," Lanie replied. "Because first thing Monday morning I'm arranging a visit for you and Castle to have your heads examined."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Seriously, Kate," she continued. "How can the two of you honestly not see what's right in front of you?"

The laughter died on my lips as I met her gaze. It wasn't a matter of me not being able to see it anymore.

"Lanie, have you ever wanted something so bad that you could taste it but yet been terrified that actually having it might destroy one of the most important things in your life?"

She shook her head slowly.

"No," she replied softly. "But I've also never known Kate Beckett to let a little thing like fear stand in her way."

I looked away from her, taking a deep breath to gather myself before meeting her gaze again.

"I've never played for such high stakes before. It's not just my heart on the line here, it's his, and it's Alexis' as well. What happens if we do this and crash and burn? Or worse yet, what if things are great for six months or a year or even five years, and then they fall apart? What then, Lanie?"

I watched as a smile slowly spread across her face and I wondered what was so amusing about my admission. The expression on my face must have given away my confusion because Lanie reached over and squeezed my arm gently.

"It's one thing to say you think you're in love with him, Kate," she said. "It's quite another thing entirely to prove it by putting both Castle's and Alexis's feelings above your own."

I held her gaze for a long minute. Finally deciding that I wasn't quite ready to delve into that topic, I averted my eyes and gave a slight shrug.

After a long moment, Lanie finally broke the silence that had settled between us.

"So was the morning after as awkward as you imagined it would be?" she teased.

Following her lead, I allowed myself to smile.

"The next day at the precinct was rather…interesting."

"Details, girlfriend."

* * *

_The precinct was already teeming with activity the next morning when I stepped off the elevator. Making my way to my desk, I was only slightly surprised to find a cup of coffee and my favorite Bear Claw already waiting for me. I smiled as I swapped the case file I had taken home with me the night before for the coffee and then went in search of Castle._

_I found him in the break room with Ryan and Esposito, the three of them discussing the latest sports scores. They all looked up when I entered the room, and pleasantries were exchanged._

_Esposito lifted the pot of coffee in my direction, wordlessly asking if I wanted a cup. I shook my head, lifting the cup I held in response._

"_Any word on the prints?" I asked him._

"_The system has been down all morning," he replied. "We're first in line as soon as it's back up and running though."_

_A glance in Ryan's direction prompted an update from him._

"_The forensics report on the fabric is on your desk," he stated. "Unless you find the shirt it came from to compare it with, it's not going to be of any use though."_

"_What about financials?" I asked as my eyes drifted to Castle. _

_Castle offered me a warm smile, which I returned with a smile of my own, feeling only somewhat shy about the way our night had ended._

"_Just getting ready to start on those," I heard Esposito say._

"_We were?" Ryan asked. Then after what I could only assume was a pointed look from Esposito, a more definite, "Yeah, we were."_

_Forcing my gaze from Castle's, I turned to watch them scurry from the room, rolling my eyes as they called back to Castle that they'd catch up with him later._

"_Did you sleep well?" Castle asked, drawing my attention back to him._

_There was a tinge of redness in his eyes, but aside from that, there were no other signs of his late night. I smiled._

"_Actually, I did," I replied. "How about you?"_

"_For the short amount of time that I had to do so, yes," he agreed._

_I nodded my head in the direction of my desk._

"_Do you want to show me what you found last night?" I asked._

_Before he could reply, his phone rang. Glancing at the caller ID, he gave me an apologetic smile._

"_Excuse me?"_

_Leaning my back against the counter, I nodded at him, content to wait._

"_Good morning, Brenda," he said as he lifted the phone to his ear._

_As soon as I heard his greeting, I pushed off the counter and started in the direction of my desk, wanting to give him a bit of privacy. Unfortunately, I wasn't fast enough to avoid hearing the beginning of his conversation._

"_Brenda, please. I do not want to rehash this again. I told you last night that it was work."_

_As I continued to my desk, I nodded at Esposito and Ryan, ignoring the blatant curiosity on their faces as I sipped my coffee._

_I had just finished my bear claw when Castle joined me at my desk, his face showing a bit of a strain._

"_I'm sorry about that," he began._

"_Not necessary," I replied. "Did you get everything worked out?"_

_He shrugged._

"_I apologized yet again and in an effort to make it up to her, I promised that I would meet her for lunch today," he offered. "There's a little café down the street from the school that she enjoys. It's not Remy's, but then again, she doesn't have your taste when it comes to food."_

_Surprisingly enough, I managed to keep from rolling my eyes _**and**_ making a snarky comment. _

"_So about the case?" I prompted, suddenly uncomfortable with the idea of talking to Castle about his girlfriend and her tastes._

_He lifted the file from my desk and pulled out several of the crime scene photos. Within moments, we were absorbed in the details of the case and all thoughts of Brenda were gone from my mind._

_It was three hours later, after a morning spent procuring and serving a warrant on a safety deposit box, when Castle mentioned lunch again._

"_Turn left here," Castle said, pointing to the upcoming cross street._

"_Castle, we don't have time to take the scenic route today," I pointed out , even as I changed lanes in preparation to turn._

"_We're not taking the scenic route," he replied. "And I know we're pressed for time. But we've got to eat and since I already promised Brenda that I would meet her for lunch, I thought you could just join us."_

_I stopped for the light and turned to glare at him._

"_Excuse me?"_

_He offered a sheepish smile and I shook my head._

"_Castle, trust me on this one. It is not a good idea for me to join you and Brenda for lunch today."_

"_Please, Kate," he continued. "The café is only two blocks from here. We can grab a quick bite with Brenda and then head back to the station."_

"_I'm quite certain that when you told Brenda you would meet her for lunch, she expected it to be just you and her," I pointed out._

"_True," he agreed. "But she knows that we're working a case. Once I explain that we're on a tight schedule today, she'll be okay with it."_

_Every fiber of my being was screaming at me that this was a bad idea. However, it was hard to tell him no when he looked at me like I'd just kicked his puppy. With a resigned sigh, I nodded my agreement._

"_Fine, but only if you call Esposito and tell him and Ryan to meet us," I stated._

_He offered a full- fledged smile as he pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed Esposito's number. I listened absent-mindedly even as I wondered what on earth he hoped to accomplish with this lunch gathering._

* * *

"Oh my god," Lanie said. "Is this the lunch Ryan and Esposito were telling me about?"

Lifting an eyebrow in question, I shrugged.

"If they happened to tell you about the most uncomfortable half hour five people have ever spent together, then yes," I replied.

"Actually, that's not the way they described it," Lanie informed me. "I believe they said it was the first 'silent girl fight' they had ever witnessed."

"What?"

"Something about having never before seen you so effortlessly put someone in their place without even trying," Lanie explained.

"I didn't do anything," I stated in my own defense.

"Apparently, you didn't need to," Lanie offered with a smile. "So I've heard the boys' version of lunch. Tell me yours."

* * *

"_Change in plans?" Esposito asked as he and Ryan slid into seats across the table from me._

"_Don't ask," I replied as I nodded towards where Castle and Brenda were slowly making their way towards us._

_When they reached the table, I offered Brenda a smile._

"_Brenda, it's good to see you again."_

"_Kate."_

_Perhaps it was just my imagination, but there seemed to be a slight edge to her voice. Whether oblivious to it, or merely choosing to ignore it, Castle nodded towards the boys._

"_Brenda, you remember Detectives Esposito and Ryan," he stated. _

_Pleasantries were exchanged around the table and then Castle pulled out a chair for Brenda, placing her on the end between Ryan and himself. As soon as Castle settled in his own seat, directly to my right, Brenda scooted her chair closer to his, her hand finding his on the table and lacing their fingers together._

_A pointed look from Esposito kept me from rolling my eyes, but it didn't stop him from smirking anyway. Sometimes, my boys were a little too observant for my peace of mind. Fortunately, our waitress arrived to take our orders and as soon as she left, the guys did their best to make lunch as painless as possible._

_We made it halfway through our meal before the conversation around the table went from distinct politeness to strained. Somehow, we had managed to end up talking about old television shows with Ryan and Esposito going back and forth with Castle on the merits of Bo and Luke Duke versus Boss Hogg when Brenda had jumped in to the mix feet first._

"_I'm quite certain that the true entertainment for you gentlemen in that show was Daisy Duke," she stated. "Much like the only reason you watched Gilligan's Island was to see Ginger."_

"_Mary Ann," I corrected her without thought._

"_Excuse me?" she said with a pointed look in my direction._

"_Mary Ann," I repeated as I snagged a fry from Castle's plate and popped it into my mouth._

"_Mary Ann wore pigtails, cut-offs and a plaid shirt," she shot back. "Why would anyone choose her over Ginger?"_

"_Mary Ann had substance," I informed her as I reached for another fry. "She was real."_

"_So was Ginger," she retaliated. "She was a Hollywood movie star."_

"_Ginger was a before-her-time drama queen," I said with a shrug of my shoulders. "Pretty to look at, but shallow and not at all a woman you wanted to have to depend on in crunch time."_

_No sooner had the words left my mouth than they sparked something in my mind. Not giving Brenda a chance to continue the argument, I turned my attention to Castle._

"_Didn't Jackson say something about his brother's girlfriend?" I asked._

_Four sets of eyes turned in my direction then, but I kept my attention on Castle. This was what we did._

_He tilted his head slightly and his eyes locked with mine. I watched the expression on his face change as he processed what I'd thrown out there._

"_He said that she used to be the responsible one in the relationship," he replied._

"_Until a few months ago," I prompted._

"_Right around the same time that Aaron took the new job…"_

"_Taking the financial responsibility off of Rebekah…"_

"_Who wasn't being irresponsible…"_

"_She was trying to help Jessica get out from under Rocco's control…"_

_Castle paused for a moment and then grinned._

"_Bringing us full circle back to our dealer," he finished._

"_Boys, we need to bring Rebekah in," I said, turning my attention to Ryan and Esposito. "She obviously knows more about Rocco than she's told us. Castle and I will secure a warrant for her financials while you go pick her up. I'm beginning to think that Aaron's murder was collateral damage in Rocco's attempt to keep control of Jessica."_

"_You got it, boss," Esposito replied with an amused smile._

_It was only then that I noticed that Brenda was glaring at not only me, but Castle as well. Turning my attention back to Esposito, I raised an eyebrow in question. In response, he offered me a wink and then reached for his wallet._

"_Nice to see the force is still working with you two," he teased as he got to his feet with a gentle nudge to Ryan's shoulder._

_The two of them dropped a few bills on the table and then offered their goodbyes to Brenda, who had yet to say anything. Deciding that the boys had the right idea, I pulled some cash from my pocket and dropped it on the table._

"_I'll be in the car," I told Castle as I got to my feet. Then turning my attention to Brenda, I offered an apologetic smile. "Sorry to interrupt your lunch with work, Brenda. It was nice to see you again."_

_She nodded her head, but didn't offer a response. I had almost reached the door when I heard her tear into Castle._

"_What the hell was that, Rick?"_

_I didn't hang around to hear his response, choosing instead to wait for him in the car. Sometimes, I forgot how unique it was to have a partner so completely in synch with your thoughts and how odd that would appear to an outside party._

* * *

Lanie was laughing as I finished and I waited for her to catch her breath.

"Girlfriend, you totally called Brenda out as being shallow and lacking substance," she finally said.

"I did nothing of the sort!" I retaliated. "We were discussing Gilligan's Island."

"No wonder Esposito said it was hot," Lanie continued.

"We were not talking about us," I insisted. "We were debating the age old discussion of Mary Ann or Ginger."

"Right," Lanie smirked. "The merits of choosing superficial beauty over substance."

"It had nothing to do with the two of us," I said.

"Keep telling yourself that, Kate," she said with a grin. "I can assure you that the three men sitting at the table were looking at a modern day version of Mary Ann and Ginger and deciding which one they would choose."

I shook my head and leaned back against the couch.

"Fictional characters," I told her.

"So is Nikki Heat," she shot back. "Of course, Nikki Heat can't sit at the table, steal your boyfriend's fries, and basically shove it in your face that she has a connection with your man that you will never have."

"We were working a case!" I said, feeling the need to defend my actions.

"_I _get that," Lanie replied. "I've seen you two in action enough to know what that looks like. So have Ryan and Esposito. I imagine it was quite a shock for Brenda though."

Lifting a pillow from the couch to cover my face, I groaned.

"Castle apologized profusely once he got in the car," I said, my voice somewhat muffled by the pillow. "I guess Brenda finally convinced him that all of us having lunch together wasn't really a good idea."

"He wants your approval, doesn't he?" Lanie asked.

Lowering the pillow from my face, I met her gaze.

"I honestly don't know, Lanie. Sometimes it feels that way…" I let my voice trail off.

"But?" she prompted.

"But I know that I can't in good conscience give it to him," I admitted. "And I think I would feel that way even if I wasn't dealing with my own personal feelings for him."

"Why?"

"Because of Alexis," I stated.

* * *

_At least it's not a cliffhanger this time, right? _

_A huge thank you to IMW for her help in making this story better than what it would be without her._


	4. Chapter 4

_**IMPORTANT STUFF REMINDERS: **__First and foremost, if you recognize it, I don't own it. Second, this is written from Beckett's POV. Third, there are a lot of flashbacks in this story. If it's in italics, it's a flashback. _

_IMW, thank you so much for helping me toe the line with this part._

_I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter posted, but RL has been crazy busy this week. You can thank having a slow moment at work this morning that is allowing me time to post it today. Thanks for your patience as well as all the reviews, although I have to say I'm a bit concerned by the lack of love for poor Brenda. _

* * *

"_Gram was amazing last night, Kate," Alexis said as she reached for a slice of pizza. "I wish you could've been there."_

"_I wanted to be," I assured her as I took a slice of pizza for myself. We were shopping today; Alexis looking for a new pair of boots and me needing to replace a pair of jeans that I'd ripped while chasing a suspect over a fence. _

"_Dad said you had to work," Alexis commented._

_I nodded, swallowing a bite of pizza._

"_Detective Karpowski's mother had a heart attack earlier this week," I told her. "She wanted to fly home to be with her, but she was scheduled to be on call last night, so when she asked me to cover for her, I couldn't say no."_

"_Dad invited Brenda to go with us," Alexis said with a slight eye roll._

_It had actually been my idea for Castle to take Brenda with them. When I'd told him earlier in the week that I wasn't going to be able to attend, he'd accepted it in typical Castle fashion, which naturally involved whining and pouting about having an extra ticket. It wasn't until I'd explained my reason for having to back out that he'd relented and stopped trying to make me feel guilty about changing our plans. I had very much been looking forward to spending time with he and Alexis and doing so at Martha's play was going to be the icing on the cake. After being forced to change our plans, I'd suggested that he invite Brenda. Castle had already informed me that she wasn't a fan of the theater, but when I mentioned that she might enjoy seeing Martha perform, he'd agreed to at least ask her._

"_You seem less than thrilled about that," I remarked._

_Alexis shrugged as she took another bite of pizza. _

"_I had been looking forward to a family night," she finally replied. _

"_You don't have family night with Brenda?" I asked._

_Alexis shook her head and reached for another slice of pizza._

"_Dad has always been fairly protective of me when it comes to the women he dates," she explained. "Brenda is no exception. I mean, she's been to the loft a couple of times to pick him up, but it's not like when you come over for pizza and a movie, or when we play board games and gang up on dad in laser tag."_

_Her admission pulled me up short. While I knew that Castle was intensely private when it came to sharing Alexis, I had no idea that he hadn't included Brenda in their relationship yet. After all, they had been dating for almost three months._

"_Last night shouldn't have been too bad," I said when I finally found my voice. "It was a chance for you to get to know Brenda, right?"_

_Alexis rolled her eyes again and I made a mental note to watch how often I did that when she was around. If she was going to pick up habits from me, my snarkiness was not one I should model in front of her._

"_Do you remember when I told you that I don't care for how she looks at dad?" Alexis asked._

_I nodded, remembering the conversation._

"_Well, last night did nothing to alleviate that concern."_

"_What happened?"_

"_We went out for dinner after the play and I happened to mention our shopping trip for today," she explained. "When Brenda asked me if you and I did something together often, I explained how when you had the weekend off, we tried to have a girls day. She gave my dad this strange look. It was just…it was weird."_

"_Then later when dad asked me about the exchange program next summer, I told him that you and I had talked about it but I still hadn't made a decision. After that, she gave my dad another weird look and said something under her breath that I didn't really hear, but it obviously upset my dad. Maybe it's nothing, but I just felt uncomfortable with the whole thing." _

"_Have you talked to your dad about this?"_

_Alexis shook her head._

"_I don't want to sound like a spoiled brat who's jealous of her dad's new girlfriend," Alexis replied. _

"**Are**_ you jealous of your dad's new girlfriend?" _

_Alexis thought about it for a minute before meeting my gaze._

"_No," she replied. "We're still getting plenty of quality father-daughter time. I don't feel like anything has changed on that front or that I'm having to compete for his attention, so I don't really think I'm jealous of her."_

"_But?" I prompted, sensing as if there was more that she hadn't said._

"_But I'm not real thrilled about the fact that he's dating her," she admitted._

"_Why not?" I asked._

_Alexis merely shrugged._

"_I guess because I'm just not comfortable with her," she replied. "It's not like when I'm hanging out with you."_

_I reached for my drink, using it as a chance to gather my thoughts. This conversation could easily turn into navigating a minefield and I didn't want that. Regardless of my own feelings for Castle, the reality of the situation was that he was currently dating Brenda. I was grateful that Alexis trusted me enough to confide in me, but I knew I needed to tread carefully and keep my own thoughts regarding Brenda and Castle from influencing how she treated Brenda._

"_In all fairness to Brenda, you've known me a lot longer, so it's only natural that you feel more comfortable with me," I pointed out. "I'm sure that if you give her the opportunity, you'll find that she isn't so bad."_

_She looked thoughtful for a minute and then met my gaze again._

"_Where will that leave us?"_

_The hesitancy in her voice had me reaching across the table to give her hand a squeeze._

"_Regardless of whom your dad is dating or not dating, and your relationship with that person; you and I are going to be friends. Got that?" _

"_Promise?"_

"_Promise," I assured her. "Now, you should also talk to your dad about how you feel about Brenda. And sooner rather than later. Agreed?"_

"_I will," she promised. She then smiled at me again, all traces of concern gone from her face. "So where do you want to head first? Shoes or jeans?"_

* * *

"You're good with her," Lanie said.

"She's a good kid."

"It's more than that," she continued. "It's obvious that she trusts you, but even more importantly is the fact that Castle trusts you with her. I think that speaks volumes on his feelings for you."

"Lanie…" I began, but she cut me off with a raised hand.

"Hear me out," she began. When I nodded my agreement, she continued. "I'm sure that Brenda is a nice lady and all, but for those of us who have spent the last two years watching you and Castle together, it's hard to wrap our minds around the fact that he's dating someone who isn't you."

"At first, it was downright enjoyable to watch him push your buttons," she said. "He was like a breath of fresh air at the precinct. Over time it changed though. At some point, you stopped looking at him like an overgrown child and started to really see _him._ From there, it was easy to see your relationship evolve from reluctant partners to actual friends. He challenges you in ways that no one else ever has, Kate. And it's obvious you do the same for him. For those of us who have watched the progression, it seemed unavoidable that one of you would eventually realize what the rest of us have known from the day you let him back into your life after that fiasco with your mom's case."

"Realizing it and knowing what to do about it are completely different things, Lanie," I offered.

Lanie nodded her agreement, and then reached for her martini.

"Okay, now you know I have to ask; what happened this afternoon?"

Closing my eyes, I let the memory wash over me. For something that was so completely wrong, it had felt incredibly right.

* * *

_I sat across the table from Luke Hollins in the interrogation room, confident that we had enough to convict him even without a confession. It had been a trying week of chasing down leads in the murder of a six year old boy, but we'd finally caught a break that morning. _

"_The GPS in your car puts you in David Gentry's neighborhood mere minutes before he was murdered, Luke," I informed him, withholding the fact that that we'd found the murder weapon in his closet when we'd served the warrant on his apartment._

_Luke gave a casual shrug of his shoulders._

"_There are a lot of people who live in that neighborhood, Detective. I'm sure if you checked, you'd find a lot of cars in the area that night. Are you going to haul all of their owners in for questioning as well?"_

_I opened the case file and withdrew the forensics report on the murder weapon. I couldn't help the smirk that crossed my lips as I slid it in front of him. After the emotional upheaval my team had been through this week, I was going to enjoy watching his bravado crumble._

_It had taken only a few minutes of detailing our evidence for him to confess to the murder, and I'd gladly turned him over to Ryan and Esposito to get him processed. _

_After watching them lead him away, I joined Castle in the break room._

"_Nice work in there, Detective," he commented as he started the espresso machine._

"_Thanks," I replied as moved to his side, turning to lean my back against the counter so we were facing each other. "And thank you for your help this morning. I couldn't have done it without you, Castle."_

_He glanced around the empty break room._

"_Why do you only say things like that when there are no witnesses?" he asked._

"_Because there are no witnesses," I replied with a smile._

"_And it would kill you to admit that I do occasionally have a good idea?" he teased as he leaned a bit closer to me._

"_Absolutely," I replied. "I have a reputation to maintain."_

_He waggled his eyebrows at that._

"_The tough, yet beautiful, homicide detective who eats hardened criminals for breakfast," he stated._

"_Better than being the millionaire playboy writer so desperate for ideas that he actually takes to slumming with the NYPD," I shot back._

_He laughed; a deep sound rumbling from his chest. It was then that I realized how close we were standing. My eyes darted to his lips for the briefest of moments before I forced my gaze back to his, finding them light with amusement. In that moment, time seemed to stand still and something sparked between us._

_My tongue darted out to wet my suddenly parched lips and I watched in fascination as his eyes darkened. _

"_Kate…" he whispered._

_Before I could remind myself that it was a bad idea, I closed the distance between us. My hands fisted in his shirt, tugging him closer as I crashed my lips to his, desperate to taste him._

_His hands found my waist, his fingers digging into my hips as he pulled me against his body. Feeling the glide of his tongue against mine, I realized that the wild pounding of his heart beneath my hands matched my own. _

_He shifted, pulling my hips roughly against his and a low moan escaped my lips at the contact. I trailed my hands up his chest and around his neck, anchoring his mouth to mine as the kiss deepened. We stood there, bodies pressed together and mouths dueling; soft whimpers of pleasure barely audible over the rush of blood in my ears._

_It was the ringing of his cell phone that shattered the moment, both of us jumping apart. Our eyes locked and I tried desperately to interpret the look in his before he turned his attention to his cell phone._

_I watched in silence as he took a deep breath and lifted the phone to his ear, his free hand moving haphazardly through his hair as he turned away from me._

"_Brenda…um…hey," he said._

_The guilt that hit me then was enough to buckle my knees and I was grateful that I was still leaning against the counter. When he stepped through the open door without a glance in my direction, I took a deep breath and forced myself to remain calm. In an attempt to pretend that everything was as it should be, I turned to the espresso machine and poured myself a cup of coffee then carried it back to my desk._

_Castle joined me a few minutes later and I glanced up from my paperwork to find him staring at me intently._

"_I should head home," he stated softly, all traces of humor gone from his eyes._

_I hated myself for being the source of the confusion I could see in his blue depths, but I had no idea what to say to make things right between us. Perhaps time and space were the only things that would do the trick. I finally nodded my agreement._

"_Have a good weekend, Castle," I said._

"_You, too," he replied._

_Watching out of the corner of my eye, I saw him stop and talk to Ryan and Esposito as he made his way to the elevator. His laughter reached my ears and it felt like a punch in the gut to realize that it sounded forced. Reaching for my phone, I dialed Lanie's cell phone. Reaching her voice mail, I left a cryptic message._

"_It's me. My apartment tonight? Bring alcohol."_

* * *

"You pretty much know the rest of the story," I stated.

"So what are you going to do now?" she asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. I was no closer to an answer for that question than I had been when she showed up at my door earlier in the evening.

"Okay," Lanie said. "Let me ask you this: if Brenda weren't in the picture, would you be willing to risk your heart on Castle?"

"My heart is already involved, Lanie."

"Yes, and it has been for quite some time. I'm aware of that, Kate. However, that's not what I asked," she replied. "Are you willing to open yourself up to him; to say to him 'here's my heart' and then to trust him enough to protect it; to put yourself in the public spotlight as Richard Castle's girlfriend with all that it entails; to step fully into the role that he obviously wants you to play in Alexis' life?" She paused for just a moment and then added, "Are you willing to let him love you?"

While my instinct was to offer a flippant reply, I forced myself to really consider what she was asking. I knew that my mother's death had left me with an unwillingness to let other people get too close to me. And while Castle had somehow managed to find his way around the walls I'd constructed to protect myself, it wasn't the same thing as me knowing his reputation and the risk I would be taking and still willingly giving him that much power to hurt me.

"The Rick Castle that I've gotten to know over the last year is nothing at all like his public image," I stated, more thinking out loud than I was talking to Lanie. "Yes, he can be childish and immature, but sometimes I think that's just an act he uses to allow himself to maintain some level of privacy in his life. I know for a fact that he's quite intelligent and I have hours of building theory with him to attest to that. However, I've also seen the side of him that dons laser tag gear and turns his entire apartment into a war zone. It's a refreshing change from the societal norm."

"He's the first to pretend that Alexis is the adult in their father/daughter relationship, but I've seen first-hand how seriously he takes being a father. When she comes to him with a problem, instead of just telling her what to do, he tries to guide her to making the right decision on her own. Sometimes, he makes it seem so effortless that it's easy to see why people who don't know them believe the story that Alexis is the one raising him. I realize exactly how much trust Castle has placed in me in allowing me to be a part of her life, Lanie. I take that responsibility very seriously and while I was a bit uncomfortable with it at first, I'm not any longer."

I reached for my martini and took a sip before I continued.

"And yes, getting involved with Castle would undoubtedly mean putting myself in the public spotlight; something I'm not entirely comfortable doing. However, merely having my name associated with Nikki Heat has already thrust me into that spotlight. It's not like I don't already get asked on a regular basis if Castle and I are together."

"So are you willing to risk your heart?" she asked.

My thoughts drifted to late night phone calls; dinners at Remy's; murder boards that suddenly looked like completed jigsaw puzzles; and family nights filled with laughter. At that moment, I knew my answer.

"Yes."

Lanie smiled at my admission.

"Well then, girlfriend, I guess the only thing left for you to do is to decide what you want to do next," Lanie said as she got to her feet, carrying the empty pizza box to the trash can.

"You're supposed to be helping me with that," I pointed out as I followed her into the kitchen with our glasses.

"I've done all I can," Lanie replied. "Unless you want me to go over to Castle's and smack him upside his head?"

At the shake of my head, she nodded.

"I figured as much."

"So now what?" I asked.

Lanie pointed to the coffee table.

"Go lose yourself in the world of Nikki Heat," she suggested.

"How is that supposed to help?"

"Who says it will? All I'm saying is to put it to rest for tonight. Go read and then get a good night's sleep. Once all the alcohol is out of your system, you can make a decision on what you want to do about Writer Boy."

"I'm supposed to meet Alexis tomorrow," I informed her. "We're having lunch and then seeing a movie."

"Good," she replied as she headed to the door. "While you're at the loft to pick her up, maybe you and Castle can put your heads together and come up with a solution to this mess you've gotten yourselves in to."

For some reason, I didn't think it was going to be that easy. However, Lanie was right in the fact that there wasn't anything else she could do to help. The rest of it was up to me. And Castle.

"You're not driving, are you?" I asked as I unlocked the door for her.

"Your doorman will hail a cab for me," she assured me as she stepped into the hall.

"Thanks, Lanie."

She stepped back towards me and wrapped me in a hug.

"I have complete confidence that you'll figure this out," she said as she pulled back to look at me.

"That makes one of us," I teased. "Good night."

"G'night."

After closing and locking the door behind her, I made my way back to the living room and picked up my copy of "Naked Heat." I might as well follow Lanie's suggestion and lose myself in Nikki Heat's world for a while. It had to be less complicated than my own right now.

* * *

_For all of you who had asked about that second kiss, I hope it lived up to expectations. _

_I plan to have the next chapter up in a few days. Until then...Softer, it's your turn._


	5. Chapter 5

_**IMPORTANT STUFF: **__This chapter has a scene in it that isn't from Beckett's POV. I apologize in advance if it's confusing, but I thought it would be easier to change POV's for the scene than to try to write the scene with a bunch of "he said…then she said…then he said" phrases. As always, if you recognize it, I don't own it. And if it's in italics, it's a flashback. _

* * *

I awoke to find sunshine streaming through my bedroom window a little after seven. Knowing that I wasn't meeting Alexis until noon, I opted to spend the morning cleaning my apartment. It wasn't until I was getting dressed that I acknowledged how nervous I was about running into Castle. I had already pulled on my favorite pair of jeans and was tugging my red pullover over my head when I realized that I had subconsciously reached for what Lanie termed my "comfort clothes."

I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. The jeans I'd chosen were the oldest pair I owned and were well worn and faded. Lanie often teased me that I reached for them when I was nervous or uncomfortable and there was no denying that I was feeling a little bit of both today.

Somewhere between mopping the kitchen floor and scrubbing the bathtub, I'd finally stopped beating myself up over the fact that I'd waited too long to admit that I had feelings for Castle. Talking things out with Lanie had helped me to gain a bit of perspective. While she had suggested that I confront Castle about my feelings, it was her comment about having proved I loved him by putting his feelings ahead of mine that really hit home.

The reality of the situation was that I owed Castle an apology for putting him in such an uncomfortable position. Regardless of my own feelings regarding his relationship with Brenda, Castle was my best friend and I cared way too much about him to let those feelings make things awkward between us. All that was left was for me to figure out a way to apologize without letting on to the fact that it was tearing me up inside to see him with another woman.

Forty-five minutes later, I nervously rang Castle's doorbell, waiting only a brief moment before it opened. Having hoped to prolong the inevitable, it seemed only fitting that it was Castle who greeted me.

"Bex," his voice was calm and there was something in his eyes that I couldn't read.

I offered a smile.

"Hey, Castle."

"Come in," he said as he stepped back to allow me entrance.

I glanced around hoping to see Alexis ready and waiting to walk out the door.

"Alexis is upstairs," Castle said as if reading my mind.

"Thanks," I offered as I started towards the stairs.

His hand on my arm stopped me in my tracks.

"Kate…we need to talk."

Lifting my eyes to his, I nodded my agreement. He inclined his head towards his study and I followed him in that direction. I stopped just inside the door, glancing around nervously.

"Do you want to have a seat?" he asked, motioning towards the couch.

I shook my head. There was no way I was going to be able to sit still for this conversation.

"Look…about yesterday…"

I held up a hand to stop him.

"Castle…"

"Please, just let me say this?"

The desperation in his eyes had me closing my mouth, silently giving him permission to continue even as a knot of dread formed in my stomach.

He stood directly in front of me, our bodies not quite touching but close enough that a subtle shift on either of our parts would bring us into contact.

"Kate, I think we need to talk about what happened yesterday…our kiss…" Castle raked his fingers through his hair as he avoided my eyes. "I know that it shouldn't have happened…it's just that I got to thinking about it later…and then Brenda…well…"

In all the time I'd known him, I'd never seen Castle at a loss for words. The mere fact that he was stumbling over himself with his speech conveyed his nervousness. Drawing a deep breath, I opened my mouth, intent on offering my apology and hopefully making it through this conversation with our friendship still intact.

The words never made it past my lips as the moment was shattered by a call from outside his study.

"Dad, was that the doorbell?" Alexis called out. "Is Kate here?"

Castle dropped his eyes from mine and took a step towards the door.

"In here, sweetie," he called.

Alexis stepped into the room and directly into my arms.

"Hi."

"Hey," I replied as I returned her embrace. "Are you ready for an afternoon of witchcraft and wizardry?"

"I can't wait," she assured me as she stepped back.

I glanced at Castle, hoping for a glimpse into what he was thinking, but his face was a mask.

"We should get going," I told Alexis. "We don't want to miss the beginning of the movie."

Alexis stepped over and wrapped her arms around Castle's waist.

"Have a good afternoon, dad."

"You, too."

I started to follow Alexis out of the study, but Castle stopped me with a hand to my arm. I lifted my eyes to his, afraid of what I would see, and was only slightly surprised to find that his expression was still guarded.

"We'll talk later."

I wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement, but I nodded my head nonetheless.

"Until then, Castle."

* * *

The early showing of the latest Harry Potter installment had been crowded, but even the screams of the way-too-young-to-be-seeing-this-movie-children hadn't detracted from our enjoyment of the afternoon. After the movie, we'd made our way to Remy's for a round of cheeseburgers, fries and shakes. No sooner had our food arrived then the conversation had inevitably turned to Mark.

"So tell me about him," I said as I picked up a fry.

Alexis blushed as a smile spread across her face.

"He's a senior," she began. "Fourth in his class. He's a little taller than my dad, but kind of lanky. Dark brown hair and blue eyes. He plays lacrosse."

"Do you know any of his friends?"

"By sight, yes," she replied. "They're not troublemakers if that's what you're getting at."

At my raised eyebrow, Alexis smirked.

"Please, Kate. Dad's interrogations are much worse than this."

I couldn't help but smile at that. Castle had already asked me if I would run a background check on the kid who had shown interest in Alexis. Given his protective streak, I could only imagine how much he grilled Alexis before giving his consent for her to date someone.

"So you like him?"

"Yeah, I do," she agreed.

"And where is he planning on taking you for this date?" I asked.

"There's a concert in Central Park next Saturday afternoon," she replied. "He asked if he could take me."

"That sounds like fun."

"It should be," she agreed. "So what did you think of Snape?"

The rest of our meal was spent discussing the movie and it wasn't until we reached the cab and I received a text from Castle that my nervousness returned. I had managed to force all thoughts of him and our interrupted conversation from my mind for the afternoon, but when I saw his request, the knot of dread in my stomach returned full force.

_**Meet you at your place to talk?**_

Not giving myself time to over think things, I quickly composed my reply.

_**On our way now. Give me 30 minutes.**_

Alexis glanced over at me as I closed my phone.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," I assured her. "Everything's fine."

"That's not work, is it?" she asked as my phone indicated another message.

I glanced down, my heart racing as I read his reply.

_**I'll be there.**_

As I returned the phone to my pocket, I offered Alexis a reassuring smile.

"Definitely not work."

"Good," she replied. "You deserve the weekend to relax."

Within minutes, the cab pulled to a stop outside of Castle's apartment building.

"Aren't you coming up?" Alexis asked when I hesitated to follow her out of the cab.

"Not tonight," I replied.

Alexis merely shrugged and then leaned back into the cab to give me a hug.

"I had a great afternoon."

"So did I," I replied. "Don't forget to mark your calendar for two weeks from tomorrow. You and me plus an afternoon at the Met."

"I can't wait," she replied.

"Talk to you soon, Lex."

"Bye, Kate."

Once she was safely inside the building, I gave the driver my address and leaned back against the seat. Castle was right in the fact that we needed to talk. My only hope was that we were going to come out of the conversation with our friendship still intact.

* * *

It was exactly thirty minutes after I'd sent my text when my doorbell rang. After checking to be certain it was Castle, I drew a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hey," I said, forcing myself to smile up at him with more confidence than I actually felt.

He held up the items in his hands as I closed the door behind him.

"I brought cheesecake and wine."

"Trying to get me drunk, Castle?" I teased him.

"Insurance policy," he offered with a grin. "Just in case you decided not to open the door."

"Why would you think I wouldn't open the door?" I asked as I followed him into my kitchen.

He shrugged as I reached past him and opened the refrigerator so he could place both items inside.

"After yesterday afternoon, well…things have felt a little awkward," he said softly once he finally turned back to look at me.

I swallowed hard, forcing myself to remain calm.

"About that, Castle, I really owe you an apology; I completely overstepped. I know you're with Brenda and it's completely inexcusable on my part to put you in that position. Under those circumstances, I never should have crossed that line."

"I seem to recall that there were two of us crossing that line, Bex."

"A line which you seem to do a pretty good job of avoiding until I come crashing headlong over it," I pointed out.

He reached up and brushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear and I realized exactly how close the two of us were standing.

"Are you going to tell me again that there's nothing to talk about?" he asked softly. "That there is no 'us' and I need to back off?"

His hand had settled on my cheek and I swallowed hard, forcing myself to take a step away from him.

"Castle…"

"It doesn't matter this time," he continued as if I hadn't spoken. "I won't believe you."

Feeling my back hit the counter, I stopped moving and simply stared at him. This was not at all how I'd expected this conversation to go.

"What about Brenda?" I asked as I met his eyes.

"She won't believe you either," he offered with a slight shrug. "Especially after the conversation she and I had last night."

Unable to find my voice, I merely studied him as he recounted the story.

* * *

_Castle looked up from his desk at the knock on his office door._

"_Dad, I'm heading over to see Paige," Alexis said with a smile. "And Brenda is here to see you."_

"_Have a good time, sweetie," Castle replied as he got to his feet and made his way around the desk._

"_I hope you don't mind my dropping by unannounced," Brenda said as she made her way into the office. "You just sounded upset on the phone earlier. I know this has been a rough week for you, especially with the murder of that little boy, so I just thought…well, I thought we could get some dinner; have a chance to unwind."_

_Castle offered her a tired smile._

"_I appreciate the offer, but I'm not feeling much like company tonight."_

_Brenda stepped to his side and trailed her hand down his arm._

"_I bet you'll feel better after some dinner," she said. "If you don't feel like going out, we can order in; maybe open a bottle of wine…"_

_Her voice trailed off as she caught sight of the stack of books on the corner of his desk._

"_Your new book?" she asked._

_He nodded._

"_They were delivered this afternoon."_

"_May I?" she asked._

_Castle nodded his consent, bracing himself for the reaction he knew was coming. He didn't have to wait long. He watched as her eyes skimmed one of the first pages, her expression changing instantly._

_Brenda closed the book and returned it to the pile before turning to him with a frosty glare._

"_What the __**hell**__, Rick?"_

"_Bren…" he said as he reached out to lay a hand on her arm, hoping to diffuse her anger._

"_Don't 'Bren' me," she hissed, shrugging out his grasp. "What kind of a dedication is that? 'Here's to pulling pigtails'? God, Rick."_

"_It's personal," he explained calmly. "It relates to something Kate told me after an especially trying case."_

"_So that's it then? You're the adolescent schoolboy who taunts his playground crush by pulling her hair?" she spat. "And Nikki Heat is your own version of some glorified love letter?"_

"_It isn't…she's just…it's Kate. You wouldn't understand."_

_Castle sighed and shook his head before opening his mouth to continue, but she was just getting warmed up._

"_God, Rick, I'm not blind! I see the way you look at her. At first, I really thought it was just friendship, but this 'relationship' you have with your __**female **__detective is not normal! What do I have to say to get you to understand that?"_

_There was a brief pause while Brenda took a breath, but then she continued._

"_She calls and you come running. She drug you out of my bed in the middle of the night for godssake! If you aren't with her, the two of you are in constant communication; hell, you even finish each other's sentences! Not to mention that she's practically raising your daughter - whom you allow to spend entire weekends with her, while you're barely willing to allow her to be in the same room with your girlfriend for more than five minutes. It's like you have this bizarre surrogate family that you won't allow me to be a part of."_

_Castle leaned back against his desk, listening as her tirade continued. She wasn't saying anything he'd not already thought on his own. He'd tried to respect Kate's wishes by backing off. He had been trying to move on when he started seeing Brenda. There was never that instant spark between them, but he had honestly thought he could be happy with her, even grow to love her over time. However, if there was one thing he'd learned that afternoon when he ended up in Kate's arms for the second time, it was that Brenda, for all of her good qualities, simply would never be Kate._

"_Brenda, I'm sorry. I…"_

"_What is it about her, Rick? She's just a homicide detective."_

_Castle felt his temper flare. _

"_You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Kate is not 'just' anything! She's passionate. She's driven. She's extraordinary. God…she's been through more in ten years than many people go through in a lifetime and yet, she's pulled herself up and she's come out on top. If that's not strength and true character, I don't know what is. I'm certainly not going to stand here and let you insult her."_

"_And what about me, Rick? What about us? I'm the one in a relationship with you, not her! Yet you act as though she's your wife and I'm the dirty little secret."_

_Castle pushed off the desk and stood facing her. He couldn't do it anymore._

"_You're right," he said finally, his voice earnest. "I thought I could do this, but the truth is that you're right. I am truly sorry that I led you on, however unintentionally, and I'm even sorrier for hurting you, but I can't carry on this charade any longer. I thought we could make this work, but…"_

_She gave a sardonic laugh._

"_But I never had a chance, right Rick? Not when the great Kate Beckett was waiting to swoop in," she spat, venom lacing her tone._

_Castle refused to take the bait, he just stared into her icy eyes as he found his voice._

"_Once again, I'm sorry for the damage I've caused, but right now, I think it would be best if you left."_

_Brenda recoiled._

"_So you're kicking me out."_

"_No," he replied. "I'm politely asking you to leave."_

_He moved swiftly, making his way to the door of the loft and opening it for her._

_It took her a moment to follow, finally stalking towards the open door. She stopped directly in front of him._

"_You are such a bastard," she hissed. "You and Nikki Heat deserve each other."_

_With that, she charged into the hall, yanking the door from his grasp and slamming it behind her._

_Castle stood there for a moment, guilt coursing over his body as he raked a hand through his hair. As much as he'd struggled against them over the past few months, his feelings for Kate remained. She was still his best friend, but she was also so much more. And that was when he stopped fighting. He stopped fighting the feelings; stopped fighting the denial; stopped fighting himself. As apprehensive as he was about her reaction, he knew that he had to talk to Kate._

* * *

Guilt washed over me and I closed my eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Castle."

"I'm not," he replied, causing my eyes to jerk open. He shrugged at the incredulous look on my face. "I don't mean it like that. Yes, I'm sorry that I hurt Brenda. She's a smart, beautiful woman and I very much enjoyed spending time with her. She absolutely doesn't deserve what I've put her through and I'm not so calloused that I can't admit that. What I'm not sorry about is writing that dedication, Kate."

He took a step closer to me, our bodies nearly touching again in the close confines of my kitchen.

"I'm not sorry for trying to remind you that this," he paused, lifting a finger and pointing first to me and then back to himself. "It stopped being about research a long time ago."

"Castle…"

His hands found purchase on the counter at my sides, effectively trapping me with his body, as he shook his head. "Tell me it meant something, Kate. Tell me that you feel it, too."

My eyes dropped to his lips, mere centimeters from my own. He was close enough that I could feel his breath whispering against my skin. I forced my gaze back to his, needing him to see the truth in my eyes.

"It did. I do," I confessed.

We stood there in silence for a long moment, our gazes never straying. I could see the relief in his blue depths, and I hoped he could see the same in mine.

It was Castle who finally broke the silence.

"Tell me what you want, Kate. What are you thinking?"

"I think we could make this work between us," I offered. "I _want _to make this work between us. I want to be more than just your best friend; more than just your muse."

"I need you to be sure," he whispered. "I don't want you to have regrets."

I lifted one hand to his face, trailing a finger down his jaw and sliding it gently across his lips.

"I am," I told him as my hand trailed down to his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart.

He smiled then and I watched in fascination as he slowly closed the distance between us. I was surprised when he stopped his forward progress, his eyes still locked on mine.

I raised an eyebrow in silent question.

"The first two times ended badly," he pointed out with a slight shrug. "I just want to make sure this one is going to have a different result."

"I can see your point," I replied softly, our lips practically touching. "Maybe we should start with the cheesecake."

He arched an eyebrow as he considered it before shaking his head slightly, the movement causing our noses to bump against one another.

"I'm not sure I could survive watching you eat cheesecake right now, Bex."

Emboldened by his statement, I darted my tongue out, swiping it quickly against his lower lip before retracting it.

"Then kiss me already, Castle."

The words were barely out of my mouth when I felt his lips press against mine. Having expected a repeat of our first two kisses, I was surprised by the gentleness in his touch. His lips brushed lightly over mine in a sweet caress…once, twice, three times…before he finally settled them against mine. I closed my eyes and allowed him to set the pace, content and in no hurry to rush this moment.

When his lips finally left mine to trail along my jaw, I let out a contented sigh and tilted my head to give him better access. He didn't disappoint; his lips making their way down to my neck and eliciting a soft moan from me.

It was then that his hands moved from the counter to my waist. He surprised me once again when, instead of pulling me against his body, he merely wrapped his arms loosely around me, embracing me while he kissed his way back to my lips.

"I could get used to this," he breathed against my lips.

I couldn't help my smile as I slid my hands around his waist. There was no "getting used to" it for me. I was already addicted.

This time when his lips pressed against mine, I parted them in invitation. His tongue slipped into my mouth, teasing and light, brushing against mine once before pulling back, his lips moving to suck on my lower lip before repeating the action.

Suddenly, it was no longer enough.

I needed more.

When his tongue retreated from my mouth again, I followed, darting my tongue against his as I shifted my weight, pressing our bodies fully together.

He broke off the kiss, pulling back just enough to meet my eyes.

I arched an eyebrow in challenge, daring him.

He responded with a smile. Challenge accepted.

His lips crashed against mine then, nothing gentle about it this time. His tongue plunged into my mouth, stealing my breath as he effortlessly lifted me onto the counter. I parted my legs for him to step between them and he did so eagerly, pressing his hips against my center. I groaned at the contact, forcing my lips from his.

"God, Rick."

One hand moved to my hair, tugging me backwards as his lips found my neck again, his teeth biting into the tender flesh before his tongue soothed it.

My hands moved to his biceps, gripping tightly as he made his way up to my ear.

"You are so incredibly sexy," he whispered.

Before I could respond, his lips were back on mine, his hands making their way first to my waist and then sliding along the outside of my thighs.

My hands weren't idle, sliding down his chest and tugging his shirt from his waistband. When I found bare skin, he shivered under my touch; his hands tightening on my legs and his hips thrusting into me.

"Kate…" his voice was practically a growl when I broke off the kiss, moving my lips to his neck, teasing him in the same way he had me.

The ring of my cell phone sounded harsh compared to the soft sounds coming from Castle's throat as I nipped playfully at his skin. As I fumbled to pull the phone from my pocket, Castle claimed my lips again. Without bothering to check the caller i.d., I pressed the answer button and then pulled my lips away from Castle's.

"Beckett."

Castle's lips once again moved to my neck, his tongue leaving a trail from my jaw to my collarbone, causing me to miss what Esposito was saying in my ear.

"Esposito, I'm not on call this weekend," I said, my voice harsher than I intended.

Castle lifted his head then, his eyes locking with mine as I forced myself to concentrate on what Esposito was saying.

"Okay, fine. I'll be there in twenty," I finally replied.

Castle waited until I returned the phone to my pocket before he spoke.

"We have a body?"

I nodded as I let out a frustrated sigh.

"Karpowski caught a triple homicide earlier this afternoon so I automatically got put on call as the next lead detective," I told him.

He leaned forward and brushed a gentle kiss to my lips before stepping away from me.

"Come on then, let's get going."

I grabbed his shirt and pulled him back to me for one more kiss before sliding off the counter.

"Esposito mentioned there was a clown involved," I told him as I moved to the bedroom for my gun and badge. "He told me to make sure I called you."

"Victim or witness?" he called, having not followed me.

"He didn't specify."

I stepped back out of my bedroom, my mind already shifting to work mode, and found Castle leaning against the front door waiting for me.

"Do I need to hail a cab?" he asked.

While it wouldn't be the first time we'd arrived at a scene together, since I often spent time on the weekends with he and Alexis, it wasn't a common occurrence, so I understood why he offered. It didn't stop me from teasing him though.

"Afraid of being in the car alone with me, Castle?"

Instead of the witty retort I expected, he reached out and grabbed my hands, pulling my body flush against his before claiming my lips. His mouth slanted over mine and my lips parted of their own volition, inviting him to deepen the kiss. He quickly obliged, his tongue sliding against mine as his hands moved to my ass, squeezing gently even as he pressed me closer.

It was a long moment later before I finally broke the kiss, surprised to find that my hands had once again made their way beneath his shirt and were drawing random patterns on his lower back. I rested my forehead on his shoulder as I tried to catch my breath; his lips moving on my neck doing little to help in my effort to remember we had a body to investigate.

"Rick…"

I felt his smile against my skin as he slowly kissed his way up my jaw line until he reached my ear.

"I'm not afraid of being alone with you anywhere, Bex," he whispered.

Unable to keep from laughing, I shook my head and took a step away from him.

"Work first, Castle," I said.

He merely nodded and pushed off the door, opening it and then following me into the hall. As we stepped into the elevator and I felt his fingers brush against mine, I repeated the mantra to myself.

Work first.

* * *

_I wanted to slap an "And they lived happily ever after" on the end of this and call it finished. However, I was told there would be a riot if I did so. Therefore, I'm thinking maybe one more chapter. Anyone opposed to that?_

_A huge thank you to IMW for her help with the Castle/Brenda scene. Those of you who have been demanding that Castle send Brenda packing can thank her for helping me make that scene a reality. It was getting the best of me when she offered to step in and help corral them._


	6. Chapter 6

_**IMPORTANT STUFF REMINDERS: **__First and foremost, if you recognize it, I don't own it. Second, this is written from Beckett's POV. Third, there are a lot of flashbacks in this story. If it's in italics, it's a flashback. Fourth, this is the chapter for which the story got the M rating. Consider yourself warned._

_**VERY IMPORTANT STUFF: **__IMW, I can't even begin to express how much your help has meant to me on this story. Thank you doesn't really seem to do it justice. We definitely need to do it again. Maybe with the happy pills on stand-by, just in case?_

_This picks up about a month after chapter 5 ended. _

* * *

I settled at my favorite table at Little Owl waiting for Lanie to join me for brunch. I'd been promising her a full report on the change in Castle's and my relationship but things had been rather hectic for the last couple of weeks. She'd finally cornered me yesterday before I left the precinct, insisting that we get together today, and I'd readily agreed.

The waiter brought a glass of water and set it down in front of me, a polite smile on his face.

"Are you ready to order, ma'am?"

"I'm actually waiting for a friend to join me," I informed him.

"Would you like me to bring you anything else while you wait?"

I offered him a smile.

"The water is fine for now. Thank you."

He nodded once before turning and making his way to another table.

I glanced down at the menu, but didn't bother to open it. I already knew what I was going to order. Instead, I allowed my thoughts to drift as I waited for Lanie.

* * *

_Castle and I were on my couch; a movie playing in the background, the lights dimmed and empty wine glasses on the coffee table. It had been a crazy week with the investigation taking up the majority of our time. We were making up for it tonight._

_I was straddling his waist; his hands on my hips holding me against him while my lips trailed along his neck._

"_Tell me what you want, Bex," he said as he shifted his head slightly to meet my gaze._

_I knew what he was asking. We'd made it to this point a couple of times during the week, but neither of us had been in any rush to move beyond it. Tonight was different; with the case finally wrapped up and a killer behind bars, there was nothing else competing for our attention._

_I offered him a sultry smile as I shifted my weight to press more fully against the bulge in his jeans._

"_I've got __**what**__ I want __**exactly**__ where I want it."_

_He growled in response, one of his hands fisting my hair, our mouths meeting roughly. Soon our tongues were dueling in a quest for dominance as we tasted one other, our hunger insatiable. My hands went to the buttons on his shirt and I made quick work of the top three before finally tearing my lips from his, moving my mouth to the exposed flesh of his chest. My fingers worked quickly, never losing momentum as I continued in my trek to divest him of the garment._

_My hands trailed lower, skimming along his stomach and then going for his belt buckle. When his hands covered mine, my eyes shot to his, questioning._

"_Not here," he said simply._

_I pressed my lips to his once more before reluctantly easing myself from his lap, disappointment flooding my body at the loss of contact. It didn't last long; he was soon on his feet, wrapping his arms around me from behind, our hands coming to rest on my stomach as we made our way to the bedroom._

_Once inside the door, a comfortable silence surrounded us and I couldn't help but smile as I leaned further into Castle's embrace. _

"_What's the smile about?" he asked as his lips trailed along the shell of my ear._

_Tilting my head, I gave him another shy smile._

"_Nothing."_

_At his raised eyebrow, I shook my head, deciding to start over. I'd already wasted months refusing to tell him what was really on my mind. _

"_I'm just really glad you're here."_

_He rewarded me with a luminous grin before his mouth found mine. I turned in his arms then, my hands pushing his shirt off his shoulders as the kiss deepened._

_He pulled back from me slightly, a mischievous smile on his face._

"_Why, Detective Beckett, I do believe you're trying to seduce me."_

"_And who would've thought it would be this difficult?" I teased._

_In response, his hands found their way to the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head and dropping it carelessly to the floor._

_When he lowered his hands to his sides, I arched an eyebrow. So he wanted to play?_

_I reached for his belt buckle, making quick work of it before pulling the belt slowly through the loops. My eyes never left his as I dropped it to the floor and then brought my hands back to my sides._

_A smile played about his lips, but his gaze stayed locked on mine as his hands moved to the button on my jeans. Feeling his fingers glide along my skin as he pushed the material from my hips had me biting my lip to keep from closing my eyes to better enjoy the sensation._

_We continued the game, our eyes never straying as we pushed the remaining clothes from each other's bodies until there was nothing between us. Only then did he finally touch me, his hands running up and down my sides, his fingers ghosting against my breasts, sending shivers down my spine. I returned the favor, my own hands gliding across his shoulders and down his chest, before finally making their way around his neck when he pulled me against him._

_The sensation of his naked flesh against mine for the first time was intoxicating; his lips demanding in a kiss that soon had us pulling apart and gasping for breath._

_Our eyes met once again and I saw my own desire reflected in his gaze. His normally blue depths were dark with passion as he slowly took one of my hands in his, guiding it down his body, and encouraging me to curl my fingers around his length. Knowing what he wanted, I began to stroke him, expecting his hand to leave mine; I was surprised when it never did. Instead, he continued to guide my movements, showing me without words what he enjoyed. I kept my eyes locked on his as our hands continued to move in unison over his hardened flesh; our breaths growing shallower with each stroke. _

_It was Castle who finally broke the silence between us._

"_This is what you do to me, Kate."_

_The thrill that swept through me at his words was at the same time both exhilarating and humbling. In response, I started to increase the speed of our hands, but he resisted._

"_Not like this," he whispered, pulling my hand from around him and interlacing our fingers together. "Not this time."_

_I merely nodded my agreement and then tugged gently on his hand, leading him to my bed. When I felt my knees make contact with the mattress, I lowered myself to the edge and slid gracefully toward the center, fully expecting him to follow me. When he hesitated, I once again lifted my eyes to his._

"_Just let me look at you for a minute."_

_In no way was I embarrassed by my body, yet the way his eyes trailed over me coupled with the intensity in his gaze caused me to flush. His eyes were nearly black with desire when they finally returned to mine._

"_You're beautiful," he whispered._

_I swallowed past the sudden lump in my throat, the reverence in his voice not something I was used to hearing…especially not under these circumstances. Then again, nothing about our relationship had been ordinary; it shouldn't have come as a shock that this would be any different._

_He knelt between my legs, his hands trailing lightly along the outside of them as his eyes continued to rake across my body in what felt like a physical caress. When his gaze paused on my nipples, I felt them tighten in anticipation of his touch. Seeing the reaction brought a smile to his face and I couldn't help but chuckle._

"_Castle, if you don't touch me soon, I just might spontaneously combust."_

_His hands stilled for a moment, resting just above my hips, and his eyes once again locked with mine. There was amusement shining in them and I braced myself for what was to come._

"_Are you saying I make you hot?" he teased._

_I shook my head even as I grinned. _

_When he leaned forward, I shifted my weight and rolled so that he was beneath me. The surprise was evident on his face and I used it to my advantage, taking both of his hands in mine and lifting them to my breasts. When his hands closed instinctively around them, I slid my own down until I was gripping his forearms, arching forward into his palms._

_My eyes closed on a moan, my head falling forward in pleasure when he squeezed gently, his thumbs stroking possessively against my nipples. He repeated the action and I shuddered, feeling the jolt all the way to my core. _

_One hand left my breast and moved to the back of my head, tugging me down for a kiss as the other hand continued to tease me. I opened my mouth over his, our tongues sliding together as I shifted my weight until I could feel his hardness pressed against me. When I started to rock against him, he tore his lips from mine and rolled me beneath him, raising my arms above my head and holding them there with one of his hands._

_Before I could protest, his mouth was on my breast, his tongue lapping at my nipple before sucking it firmly between his lips. When his free hand slid between my legs, I breathed his name on a sigh._

_Without taking his mouth from my breast, he lifted his eyes, his gaze locking with mine as he slid one finger inside of me. I felt the vibrations of the groan that escaped him when he realized how ready I was for him and my hips lifted of their own volition when he stroked inside of me with the same rhythm he was using up above._

_I struggled to get my hands free, desperate to touch him, but his grip was unrelenting as he continued his assault on my senses. His mouth left my breast, trailing a path up to my neck as he slid his finger out of my body, sliding it up and circling my clit before moving back to my entrance, this time sliding two fingers inside of me, thrusting them deep and drawing a loud moan of satisfaction from my lips._

_His mouth moved to my ear as he continued to thrust into me, his thumb finding purchase on my clit and rubbing against it in slow, firm circles._

"_I could get off just from listening to you," he breathed as he increased his rhythm, pulling another moan from me. _

_I turned my head to look at him; my body rapidly approaching what I knew was going to be an amazing orgasm. Locking my eyes on his once again, I felt the first waves crash over me._

"_God, Rick, I'm going to –"_

_Before I could finish the sentence, his mouth was on mine, swallowing my cries as his fingers worked me through my peak. He continued to stroke me, his lips moving lazily against mine, until my breathing finally slowed. Only then did he pull back slightly, his hand finally releasing my wrists as his fingers slid from my body and began drawing slow, comforting circles on my leg._

"_You're amazing, Kate," he murmured softly as he stared down at me._

"_Isn't that supposed to be my line?" I asked._

_A smile twitched across his lips._

"_Why would you need to tell yourself how amazing you are?"_

_A low, throaty laugh passed through my lips as I brought my hand to cup his face, my fingertips trailing lightly along his jaw. I lifted my head slightly, placing a light kiss upon his mouth before shifting, feeling him hard and ready against my hip. _

_I allowed my hand to trail down his body until my fingers found his length and curled around him tightly, causing a groan to escape his lips_

"_God, Bex…"_

_Without drawing my mouth from his, I shifted, straddling his body, my hips teasing his with delicious friction. I listened as his breathing changed and his hands came to grip my hips, forcing me to slow my movements. _

"_I'm not going to last if you keep that up," he murmured._

_I gave him a sultry smile as I leaned down to kiss him again, my hand moving to the nightstand as I did so, grabbing one of the foil packets from its resting place. I trailed it down his chest, still refusing to break contact with his mouth. It wasn't until I'd ripped it open that I drug my lips from his._

_His hands joined mine, both of us working in unison to roll the condom over his length, our gazes still locked. When I moved to sink onto him, he shook his head and pulled me down, flipping us so that I was lying on my back. He moved over me then, his hardness pressing into my center causing my breathing to hitch. I closed my eyes in anticipation, wanting to savor the moment, but he didn't move._

"_Kate," he murmured softly. "Open your eyes."_

_I complied, opening my eyes to find his face inches from my own. Locking his gaze on mine, he offered me a small smile and then, ever so slowly, drove himself into me. We both gasped at the sensation, my hand coming up to cup his cheek. He didn't move right away, allowing my body time to adjust to his size. I felt myself shudder and I convulsed around him involuntarily, letting out a soft cry._

"_Damn, Kate," he breathed, pressing his lips against my neck._

_He moved then and when he pulled back, I brought my hips up in search of his, sighing at the loss of contact. He grinned, sliding into me forcefully, drawing a moan from deep within. I brought my arms down to wrap around his shoulders and this time when he thrust, I met him, eliciting a groan from him that sent goosebumps down my spine._

_His eyes squeezed shut before he buried his face against my neck, his lips whispering along my skin. I tilted my head to give him better access even as I forced myself to focus, calling his name._

"_Castle…Rick, look at me."_

_He pressed a gentle bite at the junction where my neck met my shoulder before he lifted his head, his eyes snapping back to meet mine. We stayed like that, our gazes locked as we found a rhythm, moving in perfect harmony. It was the closest I'd ever felt to physically becoming a part of someone else. His breath mingled with mine as we pushed each other closer to the edge, soft moans and cries of pleasure escaping into the room._

_Desperate for more contact, I shifted my legs, wrapping them around his waist. The slight change in angle pulled him deeper than I'd thought possible and I didn't even try to hold back the whimper that flew from my lips. I both felt and heard Castle groan as he twitched inside of me, the movement drawing another gasp of pleasure from me._

"_Do you feel what you do to me, Kate?" he murmured._

_I whimpered in response, knowing I was getting close._

"_I'm close, Rick," I whispered. "So close."_

"_Yes honey," he encouraged. "Let go."_

"_Come with me, Rick," I gasped, my breathing growing even more ragged._

_He gave a mumbled groan that vaguely resembled my name as his thrusts grew more erratic. Within moments, my body was fluttering around him, his name falling from my lips in a cry of ecstasy even as I forced my gaze to remain locked with his, wanting to watch as he came apart in my arms. His eyes bore into mine as his body tensed above me and a low, guttural cry echoed through the room as he finally joined me on the ride, his body trembling in my arms. _

"_Oh Kate," he murmured, my name having never sounded sexier coming from his lips._

_At last, I slid one hand to the back of his head, pulling his mouth down to meet mine, finally allowing myself to close my eyes as our lips crashed together._

_I lost track of how long we stayed like that, lost in one another, our hands caressing in soothing circles as our lips teased and nipped. It wasn't until I noticed him studying me that he broke the comfortable silence that had enveloped us._

"_Kate," he whispered softly._

_I kept my eyes locked on his even as a small smile played about my lips. _

"_Say it," I breathed, giving him permission to voice what I'd already read in his eyes._

_The smile in his eyes slowly made its way to his face._

"_I love you."_

_We kissed softly for a moment more before I pulled back._

"_Hey, Castle?"_

"_Hm?" he asked, glancing down to meet my gaze again._

"_I love you, too."_

* * *

Lanie's voice pulled me from my thoughts and I knew I was still smiling from the memory of that first night together.

"You had sex this morning," she said as she settled into the booth across from me. "Don't even try to deny it. It's written all over your face."

In spite of the blush I could feel coloring my face, I laughed and decided to indulge her curiosity.

"Twice," I admitted, not counting the time before sunrise when I'd woke to find Castle lying on his side watching me, one hand trailing softly up and down my arm. We hadn't even spoken that time. His desire had been evident in his eyes and it had sparked an almost animalistic reaction within me. Our coupling had been fast and hard, a fight for control until the very end. We'd eventually fallen back to sleep wrapped around each other and when we woke again, our lovemaking had been teasing and playful. When he'd followed me into the shower afterwards, I was afraid I was going to be late for brunch.

"Making up for lost time, I see."

The waiter returned to take our orders and Lanie smiled knowingly when I asked for a stack of pancakes to go with my usual breakfast platter.

"Keeping up your energy?" she teased once the waiter finally stepped away.

"Something like that."

"So tell me how you two figured things out," she said. "And don't spare details."

It was hard to believe it had already been a month since Castle and I had decided to take our relationship to a new level. I had already given Lanie the Cliffs Notes version, but now it was time for the unabridged account.

"Unfortunately, getting called in that night had ruined any chance of exploring things any further for the time being. Then on Sunday, we agreed to talk to Alexis before we did anything else."

"How did she take the news?"

A smile flooded my face at the memory.

* * *

"_Relax, Bex," Castle said as he reached for my hand, interlacing our fingers together._

_It was Sunday evening and we were in the elevator on our way to Castle's loft. He'd called Alexis from the precinct and told her I was joining them for dinner; the two of us having decided to talk to her about the change in our relationship together._

"_What if she doesn't approve?" I asked nervously. _

_He gave my hand a gentle squeeze._

"_Have you met my daughter?" he teased. "You two are practically joined at the hip."_

"_That doesn't necessarily mean she wants me dating her father."_

_Castle chuckled._

"_I can't believe you're nervous about this."_

"_I can't believe you're not," I shot back._

_He stepped in front of me, his free hand tilting my chin up to meet his gaze._

"_Alexis adores you Kate."_

_My eyes locked with his and I took a deep breath before blurting out what had been nagging at me all day._

"_I can't do this if she's opposed to it, Castle. You guys are too important to me for that."_

_The elevator dinged our arrival on his floor, but he didn't move from his spot. Instead, he stood there looking at me with a smile on his face._

"_What?" I finally asked._

"_Just thinking that is quite possibly the sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me," he replied before stepping back to catch the doors before they could close._

_I shook my head and allowed him to lead me down the hallway, my hand still firmly encased in his. When we reached the door to his loft, it swung open and Alexis stood there with a smile on her face._

"_You're here!"_

_Her eyes immediately dropped to our joined hands, but before I could pull away, Castle tugged me over the threshold. _

"_It smells delicious, honey. Did you cook?" Castle asked._

"_You said Kate was joining us, dad. Of course, I cooked."_

_Alexis closed the door behind us and then walked around to face us again. With a raised eyebrow, she looked from Castle, to our joined hands, and then up to me._

"_Is there something you want to tell me?"_

_I finally pulled my hand free from Castle's, my eyes locking on Alexis'. This wasn't exactly how we had planned on telling her; having decided to ease into the conversation as opposed to just blurting it out._

"_Alexis…" I began, only to be cut off by Castle._

"_She's afraid you won't approve."_

_Alexis' jaw dropped in surprise as I turned to glare at Castle._

"_Then it's true?" Alexis asked, finally finding her voice, her expression for once unreadable._

_Choosing to ignore Castle for the moment, I turned my attention to Alexis._

"_Yes, but…" I said._

_Alexis squealed in delight as she stepped into my embrace, her arms going around my waist and pulling me into a hug. Recovering quickly from my surprise, my arms went around her as well._

"_I thought dad was just yanking my chain when he told me that he'd finally taken my advice. I've been telling him for months that you're perfect for him…for us."_

_Castle smiled at me over Alexis' head, his expression clearly saying, 'I told you so.' I gave him an eye roll in response. He could have mentioned that fact to me instead of letting me worry needlessly._

_Alexis was still smiling when she pulled back to meet my gaze._

"_When he told me that he and Brenda had called it quits, I hoped he would find a way to convince you of that."_

"_Are you sure you're okay with this?" I asked her._

"_Are you kidding?" she replied. "I'm thrilled."_

_Relief flooded my body, and I finally relaxed, glad that Castle had been right about her reaction. I might even give him the benefit of letting him hear me say it later…after smacking him for withholding information, of course._

"_I made ravioli," Alexis said as she looped an arm through mine and started towards the kitchen._

"_I love ravioli."_

"_I know," she replied. "Dad told me."_

_Castle merely shrugged as he fell into step beside us. It wasn't until Alexis moved to pull the food from the oven that he spoke again._

"_Proof positive that she's my daughter," he whispered as he draped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to his side to whisper in my ear. "She thinks you're as wonderful as I do."_

_His lips brushed my cheek and I smiled as I wrapped my arm around his waist and leaned into his side. Now __**this**__ was something I could definitely get used to._

* * *

Our food had arrived by the time I finished telling the story and Lanie was smiling over a bite of eggs.

"You guys are just so cute together," she finally said.

"Sadly, Brenda disagrees with you," I told her.

"I thought we'd heard the last of Brenda once Castle sent her packing."

"So did I," I replied. "She apparently thought there were some things that still needed to be said though. Unfortunately, she decided that the entire dinner crowd at Balthazar needed to hear them."

"She didn't?"

I merely nodded my head, the memory, by far, the least pleasant one I had of Castle's ex-girlfriend.

* * *

_I stepped into the restaurant and glanced around for Alexis and Castle. Traffic had been a nightmare and because of that, I was now twenty minutes late for dinner as opposed to the five that I'd originally told them when I'd called from the precinct. Spotting them at a table in the corner, I made my way over._

_I dropped a kiss on Alexis' head before settling in the chair next to Castle._

"_Sorry I'm late."_

"_Is everything okay?" Castle asked, his hand finding mine beneath the table and squeezing gently._

"_Last minute finishing touches on the paperwork," I explained, turning my hand over beneath his and interlocking our fingers. "Then I got caught in traffic."_

"_Dad already ordered for us," Alexis offered. "Is that okay?"_

"_We've shared enough meals that I think I can trust him," I told her._

_I caught Castle's smile out of the corner of my eye and gave his hand a squeeze, silently thanking him for his thoughtfulness. He reciprocated; his thumb drawing circles on the back of my hand as we fell into comfortable conversation; Alexis filling us in on her plans with Mark for the upcoming weekend. _

_Castle's timing had been perfect; it wasn't long before the server arrived with our food: the roasted chicken with morels, potatoes and Swiss chard coming to rest in front of me. My mouth watered at the smell of it and I turned to Castle with a wink._

"_Nice touch with the veggies, Castle. You're learning."_

"_I'm trying," he replied, lifting our joined hands to his mouth and pressing a kiss to the back of my hand and then leaning in to press one to my cheek as well. _

_He had no sooner released my hand then I heard a familiar icy voice to my left._

"_Well isn't this just cozy?" Brenda stated as she stopped next to our table. "The great Richard Castle and his illustrious muse out for dinner with their beloved daughter."_

_Castle's tone was calm as he met her gaze._

"_Brenda, don't."_

_She ignored him, instead turning her attention to me._

"_Tell me, Kate, did you have to call him this time or did he run straight to your bed after dumping me?"_

_Alexis' eyebrows shot up at that, her eyes darting between the three of us before finally coming to rest on me. I felt Castle stir beside me and turned in his direction for the briefest of moments. Our eyes locked, silent words flowing between us as I placed a hand on his forearm, assuring him that I would handle this situation._

"_You two deserve each other," Brenda continued. "Nikki Heat indeed. What kind of a name is that anyway? Is she some kind of hooker turned…"_

"_That's enough," I said._

_I was on my feet in a flash, one hand on Brenda's elbow, the other on her shoulder turning her towards the door. Seeing the manager approaching out of the corner of my eye, I turned my body enough that he could see the badge still clipped to my waist; stopping him in his tracks._

"_This is harassment," Brenda stated, her voice carrying through the now silent restaurant._

"_No," I whispered, my voice controlled. "This is me keeping you from causing a scene and getting yourself arrested."_

"_This is entirely your fault," she hissed, turning to look at me over her shoulder._

_Ignoring her protests, I led her out the front door, stopping only when we were several feet away from the door. As soon as I released my grip on her, she whirled around to face me, a sharp edge in her voice._

"_You think that just because he dedicated a book to you that it's okay for you to swoop in and steal him from me?" she retaliated. "Rick and I were good together. We could've made things work if you would've left him alone. But you couldn't do that, could you? No, you were always there…texting him, calling him, taking his daughter out for 'girl time'. You said you didn't want him, but you sure weren't going to let somebody else have him, were you?" _

"_Was it some kind of bizarre power trip for you?" she continued. "To call him in the middle of the night, knowing full well that he was with me, and ask him to come over and help you work on a case? And then to have the audacity to insult me at lunch the following day, parading your hold on him in front of me like some prized possession."_

"_I understand that you're angry, Brenda," I told her. "I get that. And I am truly sorry that you got hurt in all of this. However, regardless of how upset you are – how much you feel entitled to blast Rick and me – you have absolutely no right to bring it up in front of, or to attack Alexis."_

_Her eyes narrowed and she opened her mouth, but I cut her off before she had a chance to say anything else._

"_No! You've had your say and now you're going to listen to me," I said as I took a step closer to her, my three inch height advantage forcing her to look up at me. "You're going to get in a cab and forget that you saw us tonight. More than that, you're going to stay away from them. Is that understood?"_

"_You can't threaten me like this," she retaliated._

"_This isn't a threat," I assured her. "It's a promise. Stay away from them or I will make your life a living hell."_

_Her eyes widened in shock and I narrowed mine, arching one eyebrow as I rested my hands on my hips and glared at her._

_After a long moment in which I wondered if I was actually going to have to arrest her for being a public nuisance, she snorted and shook her head._

"_You two really do deserve each other," she spat out. "I sure hope you're happy together because God knows you're incapable of allowing each other to be happy with anyone else."_

_She turned on her heel and marched away then, stopping only when she reached the street where another woman was standing beside a cab, the back door open waiting for Brenda to join her. I watched as the woman ushered Brenda into the cab, then turned her gaze toward me, giving me an icy stare before hopping in after her. I waited until the cab pulled away from the curb before taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. _

_After allowing myself a moment to calm down, I turned to head back into the restaurant, only slightly surprised to find Castle standing just outside the entrance, his eyes watching me carefully._

_I shook my head as I made my way over to him; he merely shrugged._

"_I don't like the idea of you not having backup," he said before I could say anything. "Ryan and Esposito would disown me if they found out I let you enter a potentionally dangerous situation without at least following you to call for help should the circumstances warrant it."_

_Placing my hand on his forearm, I gave him an affectionate squeeze._

"_I'll let it slide, but just this once."_

_He smiled and took my hand in his, looping it under his arm and turning us back towards the restaurant. Once we were back inside, he leaned down, his mouth mere inches from my ear._

"_By the way, Bex," he whispered. "That whole scene back there…so incredibly hot."_

_I couldn't help but laugh even as I shook my head. Only Castle._

_When we reached the table, Alexis looked up expectantly._

"_Kate?"_

_I rested my hand on her shoulder as Castle slid into his seat._

"_I'm sorry you had to witness that, Alexis."_

"_Did you arrest her?" Alexis asked, her eyes wide at the possibility._

_I shook my head and settled into my seat at Castle's side. _

"_No," I assured her. _

"_But you made her leave?" she asked, her gaze darting between her father and I._

"_I did," I confirmed. "This isn't exactly the ideal setting for the conversation she wanted to have."_

_Alexis nodded and then a slow smile spread across her face as she turned her attention to Castle._

"_See, dad? I told you that Kate is perfect for you. If she can handle Brenda without blinking an eye, the rest of your crazy fans don't stand a chance."_

_Castle and I both laughed, the tension from the confrontation draining away. It wasn't long before the two of them were regaling me with stories of some of the more "interesting" fans they'd dealt with over the years and how much better suited I was to deal with them than the security teams who'd been charged with the job._

_Dinner passed comfortably after that and it wasn't until we were alone in his bedroom later that night that Castle brought up the subject again._

"_Thank you for earlier," he said as he wrapped his arms around me from behind, his hands sliding under my shirt and coming to rest on the bare skin of my stomach._

_I arched an eyebrow as I glanced at him over my shoulder._

"_Brenda?"_

_He nodded and leaned down to place a kiss against my neck._

"_It's one thing for her to take her anger out on me. It's entirely different when it happens in front of Alexis."_

_Turning in his embrace, I wrapped my arms around his neck._

"_Agreed," I said, pressing my body against his, wanting to forget the whole mess. "But no more talk about Brenda…unless you want to elaborate on exactly how hot you thought it was."_

_He grinned as his hands slid down to cup my ass, pulling me even closer._

"_Even hotter than the day of our disastrous lunch date," he said as he led us towards his bed. "Because I knew that __**this**__ time, there was a good chance we would end up here when it was all said and done."_

"_You're incorrigible."_

"_Yes," he readily agreed as sat on the edge of the bed and pulled me between his legs. "But you love me anyway."_

"_I do," I assured him with a soft kiss to his lips before proceeding to show him exactly how much._

* * *

Lanie looked at me in disbelief.

"What?" I asked.

"You're serious?" she prompted. "Castle's ex really showed up at Balthazar and caused a scene? And you forcefully removed her from the premises?"

At my nod, Lanie shook her head, her bewilderment evident in her voice.

"Talk about crazy. Was she really so delusional that she couldn't see what was right in front of her? Surely their breakup didn't come as a surprise to her. Dear god, one only has to spend five minutes in the room with you and Castle to know that there's something there. The eye sex alone should have given her a clue. The way you two look at each other…surely she wasn't so oblivious as to not be able to see that?"

"I don't think it was so much as being oblivious as it was denial," I offered. "Heck, Castle and I were both doing a pretty good job with the denial. Why should Brenda have been any different?"

"Yes, but at least you and Castle were both aware of the fact that you were in denial," Lanie countered. "Brenda, on the other hand…well, the fact that Castle was keeping Alexis away from her should have been more than enough of a clue."

"Maybe to those of us who really know him," I said. "For her part, I can see how it would be easy to convince herself that Castle was just being overly cautious, wanting to shelter his daughter until he was sure about where things were going."

Lanie's eyes widened at that.

"Are you _defending_ her?"

"Absolutely not," I replied. "Her actions at the restaurant were reprehensible and if she had refused to leave, I wouldn't have hesitated to arrest her. All I'm saying is that I can understand wanting to convince herself that what she was seeing wasn't the reality of her situation. We all do some crazy things when we're in love. Rick and I surely did."

Lanie's lips twitched in an effort to hold back a grin. Narrowing my eyes, I met her gaze.

"What?"

She shrugged one shoulder nonchalantly.

"It's rather amusing hearing you refer to him as Rick," she teased. "He's been 'Castle' for so long that it's going to take a little getting used to."

I couldn't help but smile. He was still Castle, but he was so much more than _just_ Castle now.

At my silence, Lanie reached for her water glass, her gaze steady on me as she took a sip and then carefully returned the glass to the table.

"Don't think I didn't notice how you didn't bother to correct Brenda when she referred to Alexis as 'your' daughter, either."

"I already told you that spending time with Alexis is like having the little sister I always wanted," I told her.

"And you're going to sit there and tell me that your relationship with her hasn't changed at all since you and Castle started dating?"

My eyes dropped to my own water glass, my thoughts drifting back to that first "girl's day" we'd shared since Castle and I had stopped fighting our feelings for each other. I'd been more than a little nervous that our new roles in each other's lives would affect the bond we'd crafted with each other to this point.

Finally lifting my eyes back to Lanie's, I offered her a shrug.

"I'll admit that I was a bit nervous on that first girl's only outing to the Met."

"Tell me about it," Lanie encouraged.

* * *

_Castle sat watching me with an amused smile as I paced idly around his office._

"_What has got you so wired today?" he finally asked after I picked up and returned yet another book to its shelf._

_His voice caused me to jump and I shook my head as turned my back to him._

"_Nothing."_

_He made his way around the desk until he was standing behind me; his hands coming to rest on my shoulders._

"_Talk to me, Bex."_

_Forcing myself to relax, I let out a deep breath._

"_What if Alexis starts to see me as just another one of your girlfriends instead of just me?" I blurted out._

_His hands soothed down my arms, easing me back against his chest as he entwined our fingers together. I leaned into the embrace, taking comfort from merely being in his arms. When he finally spoke, his voice was serious._

"_You know that I would never ask you for anything you're not comfortable giving, right?" he asked._

_I tensed at that and attempted to turn in his embrace but his arms gripped me tightly._

"_Rick, I never meant…"_

"_I know," he replied. "I know. But here's the thing, Kate; I need you to know that I'm not trying to change you and neither is Alexis."_

_He paused for a moment._

"_Just keep doing what you were doing before; have your girl time, take her to lunch, help her with her homework, talk to her about boys…just be her friend. It doesn't have to change. I don't want that part of your relationship to and I'm quite certain that Alexis doesn't either."_

_For the first time since I'd arrived at the loft that morning, I actually felt myself relax._

"_Okay," I replied. "I can do that."_

_We stood there, content to merely hold one another, until Alexis bounded into the room._

"_Are you ready, Kate?" she asked._

_Forcing myself from Castle's embrace, I offered her a smile._

"_Absolutely," I replied._

_Castle moved to give her a hug._

"_Have a good time, sweetie."_

_Alexis smiled up at him as she returned his embrace._

"_Always, dad."_

_I waited until they'd separated before stepping over and pressing a kiss to Castle's cheek. He caught my hand in his and gave it a reassuring squeeze as he winked at me._

"_I'm cooking dinner," he reminded us. "So don't wait too late to have lunch."_

"_We won't," Alexis reassured him. She then looped her arm in mine and led me to the door, chatting the entire way. "I hear that the Levi Levinstein exhibit is amazing. I can't wait to see it." _

_Hearing Castle's chuckle as he followed us to the door, I lifted my hand in farewell, confident that things were exactly as they should be._

* * *

"We had a great time at the Met that afternoon," I told Lanie. "The Levi Levinstein exhibit _was_ fantastic and we spent over an hour in that one exhibit. Over lunch, we discussed Mark and the summer exchange program and everything felt exactly as it had before things changed between Castle and me. Well, except maybe the fact that I wasn't worried about accidentally letting it slip that I had feelings for her dad."

There was a twinkle in Lanie's eyes when she looked at me.

"And the fact that after dinner with them that night, you retired to Castle's bed instead of home to your empty apartment?" she teased.

"There was that," I agreed with a sheepish grin. "What can I say? It feels natural to be there with them, Lanie.

"And it only took you several years."

We shared a laugh and when we finally sobered, I changed the subject.

"So tell me what's been going on with you. Don't think I haven't noticed an extra spring in your step the last couple of weeks. What's his name?"

To my delight, Lanie blushed and lowered her gaze from mine. It took several minutes, but I was finally able to wheedle Esposito's name from her, and the smile on her face when she confided in me had me hoping that things would work out as well for the two of them as they had for Castle and me.

Before I knew it, nearly two hours had passed and we were bidding one another goodbye with the promise to do it again in a couple of weeks.

I watched as Lanie disappeared around the corner and then glanced at my watch. Deciding that it wasn't too late, I hailed a cab. "5th Avenue and 84th," I told the driver as I sent Castle a quick text, letting him know I was on my way.

The cab ride uptown was quicker than I'd anticipated, the Saturday morning traffic unusually light. After paying the fare, I stepped out and glanced around, finding them easily with Castle's laughter ringing through the air and Alexis' fiery hair causing her to stand out amongst the browns and golds of the autumn trees.

"Thanks for waiting for me," I said as I joined them.

"We didn't think you were going to be able to join us this afternoon," Alexis said as the three of us fell into step together.

"Are you kidding?" I replied as Castle's hand found mine and intertwined our fingers together. "I love Central Park during the fall."

We walked for several minutes, the conversation flowing easily between us as we admired the beautiful colors of nature, Alexis stopping every once in a while to take pictures for her photojournalism class. We were discussing our upcoming trip to the Hamptons when I noticed out of the corner of my eye that several people had stopped and were watching us.

Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, I glanced around. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, I turned my attention back to Castle and Alexis.

We were once again laughing, my shoulder pressed into Castle's side as we walked when I noticed another couple watching us intently. Instinct had me tensing and Castle noticed immediately.

"What is it, Bex?"

"People are staring."

Castle laughed softly.

"It's because you're gorgeous."

I rolled my eyes even as I shook my head.

"No, Castle. They're not staring at me and it's not the usual staring you get when people recognize you. This is different. It's like they're staring at the three of us."

He offered me a soft smile.

"Let them stare, Kate. I'm sure they're just people watching."

Choosing to accept his explanation, I nodded and then pulled my hand from his, stepping over to the fountain where Alexis was snapping another photograph. I stopped beside her, pulling an errant leaf from where it had caught in her hair. She smiled her thanks before turning her attention back to the two birds bathing in the fountain.

There was an elderly couple sitting on the bench beside the fountain and the lady looked up at me with a smile when I stepped back to watch Alexis.

"You have a beautiful family, dear," she said softly. "It reminds me of when we were younger and would bring our son to the park."

I started to correct her, but then I caught sight of Castle posing for Alexis. He was making faces at the camera, causing Alexis to laugh even as she protested that he was ruining her shot. Catching my eye, he held out his hand.

"Come pose with me, Bex."

Turning my attention back to the elderly couple, I gave her a bright smile.

"Thank you."

With that, I rejoined Castle and Alexis and as our laughter echoed throughout the park, my thoughts drifted to what she had said. There was a time when imagining myself as a part of Castle's family terrified me. However, what the lady had said was true. I did have a beautiful family. Realizing how close I'd come to losing them only made me that much more appreciative of what we'd built.

Acting on impulse, I reached for Alexis' camera.

"Go stand by your dad," I instructed her.

When they were situated, I turned to the lady and held out the camera.

"Would you mind?" I asked with a shy smile.

"It would be my pleasure," she agreed.

"First family portrait," I said, responding to their unasked question with a wink as I quickly moved to take my place beside Castle. Alexis centered herself in front of us and we each rested a hand on her shoulders, smiling as the woman took several shots before finally handing the camera back to me.

I thanked her again as Castle slid his arm around my waist, while Alexis reclaimed her camera and ran ahead, calling for us to follow.

"That's our cue," I said with a laugh and the elderly woman smiled.

"Goodbye, dear. Enjoy the day with your family."

I bid her farewell before we joined Alexis, the three of us content to spend the day together.

It wasn't until later that night that I finally saw the photographs. I made my way to Caste's bed after having watched a movie with Alexis, surprised to find him gazing down at the camera.

"Did Lex get any good shots?" I asked him as I quickly slipped into my sleeping shorts and a t-shirt before making my way to the bed.

"Quite a few actually," he replied, raising his arm to allow me to cuddle into his side. "I wasn't even aware she took some of these."

Together we studied the photographs of our afternoon in the park. There was one of me with my mouth open in laughter at something Castle must have said; another with Castle playfully tugging at my ponytail; and several of the two of us with our hands joined, gazes locked on one another as we leaned close together.

When we reached the shots the elderly woman had taken, I placed my hand on Castle's arm. In the photo, Castle's head dipped slightly to press against mine as we both gripped Alexis; our smiles radiating from the screen, three matching expressions of joy frozen in time.

Castle's gaze met my eyes then and I gave him a soft smile.

"It's certainly been quite the ride, hasn't it, Bex?" he murmured as he moved to kiss my lips.

"That it has," I acknowledged, my eyes once again drawn to the photograph.

His lips trailed along my cheek, leaving gentle kisses in their wake before he moved to whisper in my ear.

"Here's to family."

I brought my eyes back to his, a smile tugging at my lips.

"To family."

The End

* * *

_I hope you guys enjoyed the ride as much as I did. It would be nice to hear from you if you did._

_Harley, your present is complete._

_AC & Bugg, best groupies ever._

_Softer, if you're still reading, it's your turn again._

_IMW, again, thank you._


End file.
